Post by Tiff on Dec 23, 2020 14:14:42 GMT -6
I guess it's official now...
I've just spent my first three days at the Academy. Fucking hell. What a way to end the year. Going from the top of the world all the way down to the bottom of the barrel, and now here I am. Getting back into the game again. There's definitely something wrong with me...
I don't know why I'm doing this. I mean, in what world is this a good idea? All I'm doing is setting myself up for another failure. I mean, the very least you could have done is get back to your target weight first, but no. You're just walking into a lion's den, full of hungry lions, with a piece of meat on your back. You're not ready. You are so not ready. You're just a joke. You're just gonna end up being another fucking joke in this business. Hell, you already are. So what's the point? What's the point of going back there? You'd be less of a fool just staying at home...
...
Damn Asher...give me some space you big lump...
...
Fuck he's so heavy...who the hell can sleep like this anyway?
...
This is gonna be a long ride home, ain't it?
...
I can't stay mad at you Ash. Not after everything you've done for me. I mean...if it weren't for you, I'd still be sitting on my fat ass stuffing my face with potato chips. You came into my life, literally out of nowhere, and offered to be my personal trainer. Next thing I knew, I was doing squats and push-ups for the first time in almost a year. I've lost over ten pounds because of you. I don't feel like so much of a stranger in the gym again because of you. I actually believe I can be a wrestler again...all because of you. All...because...of...you...
I can't let you down. Not now. Not after everything you've done for me. I don't care if I turn into a joke. I don't care if I already am a joke. I don't care if people wanna walk all over me. I have to know if I can still do this. I have to find out if I actually deserve a second chance. I have to prove that your dedication is not for nothing. It can't be for nothing. It just can't...
I just have to stop thinking about it. I gotta stop overthinking things. Like what Ash says. I gotta just let things happen, even when I doubt myself, because I'll never know otherwise. That's the only way I'll know if anything feels right. It's the only way I find out if I can do it...
...
What you can do is stop crushing me you big dork...
...
Ah fuck it. Whatever. I'll just sit like this then. Maybe I should get some rest too anyway. It's been a long ass week. Moving to the Academy, meeting the other students, going to the supershows as a fan...it's like being in RISE again...except I'm supposed to be like the veteran or something...
There's so much pressure on me being here. Everyone wants me back in the ring as soon as possible. In fact...Gian actually thinks I can help teach these students something? Like what? Like how to be a failure? I get it...when most wrestlers take a break, they at least keep training until they come back. But me? I gave up on everything. My career, my health, my fitness, my social life, I fucked up everything. And now after a few weeks of getting back in shape with Asher, everyone thinks I can just walk back into the game and get right back on top of the world? Yeah right. Not everyone is that lucky...
I know what my limits are, and if I didn't, I wouldn't have taken up this offer. My dumb ass would have gone straight to the top, and I would have fallen all the way back down. They can all make fun of me for joining the Academy, but it's like what Andreas told me: you're never too old to learn something new. Who the fuck knows? Maybe I'll actually learn something new here. Something that might make the second time around a little more...successful?
...
Oh who the fuck am I kidding? If this is gonna be anything like RISE, you should know what to expect. I mean, I've only been in the Academy for a few days, but it already feels way more hostile than RISE ever did. Feels like everyone wants me to pick a side. I asked Gian not to give me any special treatment, but holy crap do I feel like I've just walked into a battlefield?
I literally just watched some of these students compete on the supershows, and fucking hell they can go. You know, people can make fun of me for joining the Academy all they want, but quite frankly, surviving here could be the biggest challenge of my life...
I haven't wrestled, nor have I showed any interest in wrestling for months. I've forgotten so much. I got so out of shape that I still haven't fully recovered yet. I'm still trying to reach my target weight after putting on over thirty pounds since quitting. I haven't even thrown a punch since giving up, let alone a Death Kick. I'm still a shell of my former self, and quite frankly, I'm scared of not being able to get back up after taking my first bump. Yet despite all of this, everyone still remembers me for that dominant Cloud Gate championship reign. And now here I am, sharing a training facility with some of the hungriest newcomers in the game, all probably looking forward to walking all over the former champion. Yeah...they're not exactly gonna go easy on you...
Well I can't exactly expect them to feel sorry for me, can I? I mean, you are a former champion after all. You might not be on the same level as some of them, but they're not gonna care. Remember back in RISE? Any time a veteran would come to visit, everyone jumped at the opportunity to challenge them. The difference though? Those veterans could still defend themselves. These students will probably look for all kinds of ways to knock you down and keep you down until they're the ones on top, and right now, they probably could. Are you sure this is the kind of environment that you need right now?
And as if that's not bad enough. Look who's waiting for me beyond the Academy. I already got Luna laughing at me. As if stealing my old boyfriend wasn't enough, I had to watch on my fat ass as she and that bitch Megan Monroe went on to become champions. At least I just got to see Luna lose her title, but I wasn't so lucky with Megan. The last time I shared a ring with either of these women, I was the champion, and they were challenging me. They probably enjoyed my downfall more than anyone else, but at least I didn't have to deal with them while outside of wrestling. Now, I'll probably never heard the end of it. I already got Megan calling me out. What's stopping them from coming to the Academy, interrupting my training, kicking my ass in front of everyone and killing my career before it can even restart?
...
I can't let that happen. I just can't. I won't. I won't ever give them the pleasure. I know everyone will wanna walk all over me. I know everyone will wanna use me as a stepping stone. I know everyone will wanna make an example out of me. But no matter how hard it gets, no matter if the whole world is against you, trying to keep you down...I have to keep going. I have to keep trying. I have to know. Do I still have what it takes? I don't know. Can I become a champion again? Probably never, but I won't know unless I try. The very least I can do is try. If it's not meant to be, then fine, I'll just pack up and leave for good. But I joined the Academy for a reason, and that's to try...
As many people as there are trying to keep you down, there are just as many out there who wanna see you get back up. Asher, Gian, Andreas, Brytain, Lucie, Melissa, Sky, Brittany, Bianca, Aurora. They all wanna see me get back on my feet. I can't let any of you down.
Hell, as hostile as the Academy is, there's still some students who genuinely seem to care. Millie and Trinity definitely seem like the most excited for me to be here...Faizah keeps asking me questions, I just hope I can actually answer them for her...Rian can be a little forward but he seems like an alright guy...and I already feel like I owe Tiana a good match at some point in the future. Not all gloom and doom around here I guess...
I just hope I do have what it takes to keep up with them. I know I can't actually have matches with them, but quite frankly, I ain't ready for that yet. As long as I can spar with them, as long as I can inch my way up to the same level as them, at least then I'll actually have a shot at building myself back up. I know there'll be some who won't want that...Faith seemed unbearable even before winning that Gold Star...something tells me I'm never gonna hear the end of that...I doubt she'll want me anywhere near her level...but I can't let her or her friends keep me down. Even Olly. The things he said to me weeks ago...I doubt I'll be able to change his mind...but I have to try. I have to keep trying. And hey, if anyone here ends up learning something new because of me, then awesome, at least that's something I can be proud of...as if that'll ever happen...
I really wish they won't see me as the former Cloud Gate champion though. I don't know what they could possibly learn from me, especially at this point in my life. I mean...some of them now have experience on a supershow...I should know, Faith already rubbed it in my face...so that rules that out. Maybe they wanna know what it's like to be a champion? No, that just sounds like gloating, which is the last thing I wanna do while I'm here. Maybe they need tips on how to chop down bigger opponents? Of course I had to be the smallest person in the whole goddamn Academy...some of them will need to stop smaller opponents from chopping them down if anything. Maybe I can teach them how to handle pressure? Yeah right, as if I'm the perfect person to deal with pressure...
I might as well be the new girl in class to be honest. In a way though, I think that's kinda good. It'll be like starting out in RISE for the first time. Back when I was a hungry young sixteen year old, desperate to make a name for myself. Of course I wasn't as chubby back then, I just got out fresh from kickboxing training and I still had so much energy. It was a really slow start though. Like the gullible little twerp I was, I thought following that bitch Kenni Killswitch would help me reach the top. What an idiot I was. Made me realize how fragile friendships can be, so cherish those that last the longest. I wonder how Kenni's doing these days...
...
Dammit I can't reach my phone. Ash, why must you weigh a fucking ton?
...
Alright fine. I'll just try and sleep I guess. Wait...what time is it?
...
Asher, I swear to god...
...
Dammit. He's lucky I love him...
...
Wow. Did I really just think that? Well I mean...clearly he knows that I do...right? I just haven't actually told him yet. Some girlfriend I am...no wonder no other boy likes me...I should probably tell him soon. Maybe. When I'm ready. When the time is right. I can't wait to get back home. Oh how I've missed mom's cooking...
It's funny. I thought I'd be a lot more homesick in the Academy. I mean, I haven't exactly gone far from the house since quitting. You know what though? It's only been less than a week. Maybe when I go back to the Academy for the new year, then it'll start kicking in. Probably. Maybe. I don't know. As long as I go back every weekend then everything should be fine. I hope. I mean...it's not like I'm completely alone here, right?
At least I still have Asher. He doesn't exactly have a home...he has his van, so he can pretty much come with me anywhere. I just wish I could have him in the Academy with me, but I'm pretty sure that's forbidden. At least I have him for the journey back and forth. I'm really bad at making new friends though, so I don't know if I'll ever get along with anyone at the Academy. I mean...it would make things a little easier for me...maybe if you weren't so uptight about everything...
It's not like you'd make a good friend anyway. How the hell Asher puts up with my doughy ass is beyond me. But isn't that why you gave up on wrestling in the first place? Do you even remember why you gave up in the first place? Do you remember the person you became? The fact that title meant more to you than your own friends, your own boyfriend, your own fans, even your own family? The way you acted at the end of your reign, do you remember the things that you did? Why would anyone wanna be friends with a person like that?
That's why I stayed away for so long. I tried so hard not to become that person again, I ended up wrecking my body in the process. Anything to keep me away, right? Fuck I fell so far down, I didn't think there'd ever be a chance to climb back up. And now here you are, about to begin training for a grand return, right?
No. This isn't a return. This isn't a comeback. This is a new start. This is a chance to start again. This is a second life. I can't be remembered for the person I became. Not that person. Not that monster. I wanna be remembered for something new. I know there'll be people who will use my past to haunt me. I've had to deal with that my whole life. But I don't wanna dwell in the past. Not anymore. I wanna look forward. I wanna keep moving forward. I wanna become something better. That's why I joined the Academy. Above all else. I don't wanna be remembered as a monster. I don't wanna be remembered as a failure. I wanna be remembered as something better. What that something is, I don't know, but I'll never find out...unless I try...
...
I just...
...
I just have...to...
...
...fuck...
...
...wait...where am I?
"Rise and shine, sleepyhead!"
Oh fuck...did I fall asleep? How long was I out? Wait...did he carry me all the way to the house?
"Welcome home!"
Does mom know we're back yet? How long did it take us to get back? How many fucking people saw me like this? Oh fuck it...I'm too tired...just let me enjoy this moment...
...
"Dammit...I love you..."
Wait, did I just...
I've just spent my first three days at the Academy. Fucking hell. What a way to end the year. Going from the top of the world all the way down to the bottom of the barrel, and now here I am. Getting back into the game again. There's definitely something wrong with me...
I don't know why I'm doing this. I mean, in what world is this a good idea? All I'm doing is setting myself up for another failure. I mean, the very least you could have done is get back to your target weight first, but no. You're just walking into a lion's den, full of hungry lions, with a piece of meat on your back. You're not ready. You are so not ready. You're just a joke. You're just gonna end up being another fucking joke in this business. Hell, you already are. So what's the point? What's the point of going back there? You'd be less of a fool just staying at home...
...
Damn Asher...give me some space you big lump...
...
Fuck he's so heavy...who the hell can sleep like this anyway?
...
This is gonna be a long ride home, ain't it?
...
I can't stay mad at you Ash. Not after everything you've done for me. I mean...if it weren't for you, I'd still be sitting on my fat ass stuffing my face with potato chips. You came into my life, literally out of nowhere, and offered to be my personal trainer. Next thing I knew, I was doing squats and push-ups for the first time in almost a year. I've lost over ten pounds because of you. I don't feel like so much of a stranger in the gym again because of you. I actually believe I can be a wrestler again...all because of you. All...because...of...you...
I can't let you down. Not now. Not after everything you've done for me. I don't care if I turn into a joke. I don't care if I already am a joke. I don't care if people wanna walk all over me. I have to know if I can still do this. I have to find out if I actually deserve a second chance. I have to prove that your dedication is not for nothing. It can't be for nothing. It just can't...
I just have to stop thinking about it. I gotta stop overthinking things. Like what Ash says. I gotta just let things happen, even when I doubt myself, because I'll never know otherwise. That's the only way I'll know if anything feels right. It's the only way I find out if I can do it...
...
What you can do is stop crushing me you big dork...
...
Ah fuck it. Whatever. I'll just sit like this then. Maybe I should get some rest too anyway. It's been a long ass week. Moving to the Academy, meeting the other students, going to the supershows as a fan...it's like being in RISE again...except I'm supposed to be like the veteran or something...
There's so much pressure on me being here. Everyone wants me back in the ring as soon as possible. In fact...Gian actually thinks I can help teach these students something? Like what? Like how to be a failure? I get it...when most wrestlers take a break, they at least keep training until they come back. But me? I gave up on everything. My career, my health, my fitness, my social life, I fucked up everything. And now after a few weeks of getting back in shape with Asher, everyone thinks I can just walk back into the game and get right back on top of the world? Yeah right. Not everyone is that lucky...
I know what my limits are, and if I didn't, I wouldn't have taken up this offer. My dumb ass would have gone straight to the top, and I would have fallen all the way back down. They can all make fun of me for joining the Academy, but it's like what Andreas told me: you're never too old to learn something new. Who the fuck knows? Maybe I'll actually learn something new here. Something that might make the second time around a little more...successful?
...
Oh who the fuck am I kidding? If this is gonna be anything like RISE, you should know what to expect. I mean, I've only been in the Academy for a few days, but it already feels way more hostile than RISE ever did. Feels like everyone wants me to pick a side. I asked Gian not to give me any special treatment, but holy crap do I feel like I've just walked into a battlefield?
I literally just watched some of these students compete on the supershows, and fucking hell they can go. You know, people can make fun of me for joining the Academy all they want, but quite frankly, surviving here could be the biggest challenge of my life...
I haven't wrestled, nor have I showed any interest in wrestling for months. I've forgotten so much. I got so out of shape that I still haven't fully recovered yet. I'm still trying to reach my target weight after putting on over thirty pounds since quitting. I haven't even thrown a punch since giving up, let alone a Death Kick. I'm still a shell of my former self, and quite frankly, I'm scared of not being able to get back up after taking my first bump. Yet despite all of this, everyone still remembers me for that dominant Cloud Gate championship reign. And now here I am, sharing a training facility with some of the hungriest newcomers in the game, all probably looking forward to walking all over the former champion. Yeah...they're not exactly gonna go easy on you...
Well I can't exactly expect them to feel sorry for me, can I? I mean, you are a former champion after all. You might not be on the same level as some of them, but they're not gonna care. Remember back in RISE? Any time a veteran would come to visit, everyone jumped at the opportunity to challenge them. The difference though? Those veterans could still defend themselves. These students will probably look for all kinds of ways to knock you down and keep you down until they're the ones on top, and right now, they probably could. Are you sure this is the kind of environment that you need right now?
And as if that's not bad enough. Look who's waiting for me beyond the Academy. I already got Luna laughing at me. As if stealing my old boyfriend wasn't enough, I had to watch on my fat ass as she and that bitch Megan Monroe went on to become champions. At least I just got to see Luna lose her title, but I wasn't so lucky with Megan. The last time I shared a ring with either of these women, I was the champion, and they were challenging me. They probably enjoyed my downfall more than anyone else, but at least I didn't have to deal with them while outside of wrestling. Now, I'll probably never heard the end of it. I already got Megan calling me out. What's stopping them from coming to the Academy, interrupting my training, kicking my ass in front of everyone and killing my career before it can even restart?
...
I can't let that happen. I just can't. I won't. I won't ever give them the pleasure. I know everyone will wanna walk all over me. I know everyone will wanna use me as a stepping stone. I know everyone will wanna make an example out of me. But no matter how hard it gets, no matter if the whole world is against you, trying to keep you down...I have to keep going. I have to keep trying. I have to know. Do I still have what it takes? I don't know. Can I become a champion again? Probably never, but I won't know unless I try. The very least I can do is try. If it's not meant to be, then fine, I'll just pack up and leave for good. But I joined the Academy for a reason, and that's to try...
As many people as there are trying to keep you down, there are just as many out there who wanna see you get back up. Asher, Gian, Andreas, Brytain, Lucie, Melissa, Sky, Brittany, Bianca, Aurora. They all wanna see me get back on my feet. I can't let any of you down.
Hell, as hostile as the Academy is, there's still some students who genuinely seem to care. Millie and Trinity definitely seem like the most excited for me to be here...Faizah keeps asking me questions, I just hope I can actually answer them for her...Rian can be a little forward but he seems like an alright guy...and I already feel like I owe Tiana a good match at some point in the future. Not all gloom and doom around here I guess...
I just hope I do have what it takes to keep up with them. I know I can't actually have matches with them, but quite frankly, I ain't ready for that yet. As long as I can spar with them, as long as I can inch my way up to the same level as them, at least then I'll actually have a shot at building myself back up. I know there'll be some who won't want that...Faith seemed unbearable even before winning that Gold Star...something tells me I'm never gonna hear the end of that...I doubt she'll want me anywhere near her level...but I can't let her or her friends keep me down. Even Olly. The things he said to me weeks ago...I doubt I'll be able to change his mind...but I have to try. I have to keep trying. And hey, if anyone here ends up learning something new because of me, then awesome, at least that's something I can be proud of...as if that'll ever happen...
I really wish they won't see me as the former Cloud Gate champion though. I don't know what they could possibly learn from me, especially at this point in my life. I mean...some of them now have experience on a supershow...I should know, Faith already rubbed it in my face...so that rules that out. Maybe they wanna know what it's like to be a champion? No, that just sounds like gloating, which is the last thing I wanna do while I'm here. Maybe they need tips on how to chop down bigger opponents? Of course I had to be the smallest person in the whole goddamn Academy...some of them will need to stop smaller opponents from chopping them down if anything. Maybe I can teach them how to handle pressure? Yeah right, as if I'm the perfect person to deal with pressure...
I might as well be the new girl in class to be honest. In a way though, I think that's kinda good. It'll be like starting out in RISE for the first time. Back when I was a hungry young sixteen year old, desperate to make a name for myself. Of course I wasn't as chubby back then, I just got out fresh from kickboxing training and I still had so much energy. It was a really slow start though. Like the gullible little twerp I was, I thought following that bitch Kenni Killswitch would help me reach the top. What an idiot I was. Made me realize how fragile friendships can be, so cherish those that last the longest. I wonder how Kenni's doing these days...
...
Dammit I can't reach my phone. Ash, why must you weigh a fucking ton?
...
Alright fine. I'll just try and sleep I guess. Wait...what time is it?
...
Asher, I swear to god...
...
Dammit. He's lucky I love him...
...
Wow. Did I really just think that? Well I mean...clearly he knows that I do...right? I just haven't actually told him yet. Some girlfriend I am...no wonder no other boy likes me...I should probably tell him soon. Maybe. When I'm ready. When the time is right. I can't wait to get back home. Oh how I've missed mom's cooking...
It's funny. I thought I'd be a lot more homesick in the Academy. I mean, I haven't exactly gone far from the house since quitting. You know what though? It's only been less than a week. Maybe when I go back to the Academy for the new year, then it'll start kicking in. Probably. Maybe. I don't know. As long as I go back every weekend then everything should be fine. I hope. I mean...it's not like I'm completely alone here, right?
At least I still have Asher. He doesn't exactly have a home...he has his van, so he can pretty much come with me anywhere. I just wish I could have him in the Academy with me, but I'm pretty sure that's forbidden. At least I have him for the journey back and forth. I'm really bad at making new friends though, so I don't know if I'll ever get along with anyone at the Academy. I mean...it would make things a little easier for me...maybe if you weren't so uptight about everything...
It's not like you'd make a good friend anyway. How the hell Asher puts up with my doughy ass is beyond me. But isn't that why you gave up on wrestling in the first place? Do you even remember why you gave up in the first place? Do you remember the person you became? The fact that title meant more to you than your own friends, your own boyfriend, your own fans, even your own family? The way you acted at the end of your reign, do you remember the things that you did? Why would anyone wanna be friends with a person like that?
That's why I stayed away for so long. I tried so hard not to become that person again, I ended up wrecking my body in the process. Anything to keep me away, right? Fuck I fell so far down, I didn't think there'd ever be a chance to climb back up. And now here you are, about to begin training for a grand return, right?
No. This isn't a return. This isn't a comeback. This is a new start. This is a chance to start again. This is a second life. I can't be remembered for the person I became. Not that person. Not that monster. I wanna be remembered for something new. I know there'll be people who will use my past to haunt me. I've had to deal with that my whole life. But I don't wanna dwell in the past. Not anymore. I wanna look forward. I wanna keep moving forward. I wanna become something better. That's why I joined the Academy. Above all else. I don't wanna be remembered as a monster. I don't wanna be remembered as a failure. I wanna be remembered as something better. What that something is, I don't know, but I'll never find out...unless I try...
...
I just...
...
I just have...to...
...
...fuck...
...
...wait...where am I?
"Rise and shine, sleepyhead!"
Oh fuck...did I fall asleep? How long was I out? Wait...did he carry me all the way to the house?
"Welcome home!"
Does mom know we're back yet? How long did it take us to get back? How many fucking people saw me like this? Oh fuck it...I'm too tired...just let me enjoy this moment...
...
"Dammit...I love you..."
Wait, did I just...