Post by Tiff on Jun 12, 2020 9:41:11 GMT -6
Warning: Self harm included. Discretion advised.
alexD1991
Great game guys! Can't wait for the next one...
OttoHellem
I like the short girl. She's cute.
dragonz917
That chubby girl looks kinda familiar...
yellowmellowjello
Isn't that Tiffany Tompkins?
Rhinocaller
Pretty sure that's Tiff Rollins or Tompkins or whatever her name is now...
damiyn
Holy shit that's Tiff Rollins! She really let herself go didn't she? Someone hasn't been to the gym in a while...
arnieball
Brah she looking thicc af
SimonOscar2
Did she retire or something? I guess not everyone can cope as a wrestler...
beckygable04
OMG look at those glasses! She's so adorkable
LionMBishop
Never liked her anyway. MWE is much better without her...
My life is over. There's nothing I can do about this...nothing to get me out of this...I've never fucked up so hard in my life. This shit couldn't get any worse. Holy fuck I've never been so embarrassed......I mean what kind of stupid fucking idiot am I? You thought no one was gonna notice? No one's gonna notice how the former Cloud Gate Champion ended up on some random ass live stream playing Dungeons & Dragons and acting like a fucking clown? You should have known this was gonna happen. You should have just said no. You should have just told the truth. And now Tiff Rollins is gonna be remembered as the fat one of Triple-G gaming...
*buzz*
Is that her? No...fucking news update again...god fucking damn it! Chantelle...I can't believe how badly I fucked this up......I mean......you can't really blame her......maybe if you actually told her the truth from the very beginning, you wouldn't be in this fucking mess...maybe she'd actually answer your calls...maybe she'd actually show up at the park for lunch...maybe she wouldn't ignore you for the rest of your miserable! She must think I'm a total tool......I shouldn't have bothered. I really shouldn't have. Why do I keep scaring off everyone I love? Oh yeah...that's right...because you're fucking trash...fucking garbage...you really should just fucking give up...give up and die.
...
Oh god just stop eating for one fucking minute of your fucking life you fucking stupid fat ugly bitch!
...
Everything's falling apart......it's over......my life is over......I don't know what to do......no one will help me......no one wants to help me......I need......I need...
*buzz*
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck it's her...it's fucking her...she texted me back! Holy fuck what does it say...
"we need to talk"
No shit, what do you think I've been trying to do? Oh god what does she wanna say? Is she mad? Maybe she doesn't mind? Maybe she just wants to laugh at me, like Todd did......oh fuck this is a prank, isn't it? I bet Todd put her up to this......but what if it's not? What if it's just a talk between me and Chantelle? Oh god I don't know if I can do this......I can't do this...
"ok. When?"
I got to......I need to know......please...
"tomorrow. Lunch time. At the park"
...please......forgive me......I can't live like this...
"ok. And sorry"
...
No reply......goddammit no reply......this is all your fault. She probably doesn't wanna see you ever again after this...and it's all your fault. Your life is a lie...your whole life is a lie...why do you always lie? Why do you always have to lie? You lie to your friends...you lie to your family...you lie to your fans...or what's left of them...your whole life is a lie...even your own fucking name is a lie! All you do is lie...and every time you get exposed, you just end up lying again......why can't you just stop lying? Why can't you just say the truth...just...fucking...once...
...
Why did I do this to myself? I mean look at you......you fucking fatass......no wonder no one loves you......who would ever love this dumpy ass? You know what? I hate this......I fucking hate this......I'm such a fucking slob......where did it go so fucking wrong? This isn't you......this is not who you are......you need to stop lying to yourself......oh god who the fuck am I though? If this isn't me, then who am I? Why is everything so fucking hard? Why can't I just be happy with myself? Why do I always have to lie? Why would you ever tell yourself that this is fine? That this is who you are? And who you ever will be? This isn't you......this can't be you......just...stop...fucking...lying...
"Oww!"
For fuck sake! Why did you do that? God my fucking hand hurts! How does punching a mirror solve anything? God I'm weak...I didn't even leave a crack! When was the last time I actually hit something? Oh god I'm getting weak......fuck these fucking bingo wings......what are you fucking doing to yourself? I really need to do something about this...
Later that night...
I shouldn't have done that......everything's aching......can't even stand up......my fucking god this hurts......hardest...fucking...workout...ever......is it even worth it though? I mean......what's the point? It's not like anyone cares about you......why should you care about yourself? Goddammit...
"Stop..."
What?
"Stop..."
Why am I...
"Stop."
...
"I just need some rest..."
...
The following morning...
...
"Thanks again mom..."
...
You done? I'm sorry, I didn't think shutting yourself up would help you focus more......it's a shame no matter how hard you try, you're still not getting back in shape......no one's ever gonna love you again......and even if they do, you'll just scare them off again......just face it...you're nothing but a...
"Time for a shower..."
...
Goddammit will you please stop shutting yourself up for one minute?
"Time to take my pills..."
...
Why are you doing this? What's the point? You're just building yourself up for another downfall. Things could still get worse for you......what if you can't lose the weight? What if you end up getting a health condition or something? What if Brytain kicks you out of the family? What if Chantelle...
"Oh fuck..."
You completely forgot, didn't you? See what happens when you keep focus? You lose track of everything else! Why are you so stupid? You have to get ready...you need to get ready......goddammit why did you even try?
"Wait..."
What now?
"...I know..."
...
Alright. Big whoop. You picked out your new RHCP shirt and jeans. Guess someone's not making the effort...
"It's fine...she wouldn't care..."
Are you sure? Well...I mean...I guess she wouldn't...after all...it's not like she makes much of an effort either......but then again......today could be different...
"No...this is fine..."
Well...what about the hair? No bangs today? I mean...I guess there's no point in disguising yourself anymore...everyone knows how much of a fat fuck Tiff Rollins is now...
"Where are my earphones?"
Earphones? What? You think that will take your mind off of...
...
Outside...
...
You're not gonna get out of this...there's no way out...she hates you...she fucking hates you...why else is she ignoring you? She's probably gonna tell you how much she hates you right in your face...do you think you can take that? Do you think you can take another rejection in your life?
"Fuck..."
Oh god there she is......oh god what do I do? I can't do this......oh god she sees me......she doesn't look happy......just run......it's not too late to run...
"Chantelle!"
Oh fuck...
"Hey..."
She's so pissed...
"So...uhhh..."
"Can we sit down?"
"...oh...uhhh...sure..."
Oh god she's dumping me, isn't she? Wait......I mean......fuck off...
"Ok...look......I...I don't know how to say this......but..."
But what?
"...but I just wanted to tell you......I'm sorry......I just think it's better we don't see each other anymore..."
...
"What?"
"I'm sorry...it's just that......I don't know......why didn't you tell me?"
"Chantelle please. I wanted to. I really wanted to..."
"Then why didn't you?"
"Because that's not who I am anymore!"
...
"What do you mean?"
"That's not the kind of person I want to be anymore......not now......not since I met you..."
Stop...
"...I was so ashamed of who I was..."
"But you were a champion wrestler! Why would you want to throw that away?"
"Because......because that was never meant to happen......I'm not meant to be a wrestler......I'm not meant to be a champion......none of it brought me happiness. I mean...sure it was fun at the beginning......but with so many people trying to bring you down......using your own private life against you just to get a win......ruining your whole life just for a stupid belt......it's not worth it. It's just not worth putting my body through that......I just......I just want to be happy...with my life...my body...everything...I just want to be happy..."
...
"But why didn't you just tell me who you were to begin with? How am I supposed to trust you now?"
She's right...every time you try to keep a secret it always ends up fucking you up in the end...
"I don't know...I...I can't remember the last time I was as happy as I am...with you..."
...
"...I know you probably hate me right now......and you should......but I don't think I've ever been this happy before......I've actually kinda enjoyed myself since I've been with you......you make me feel better about myself......you make me feel comfortable in this body......you make me feel like smiling for real......I'm sorry......I just didn't want anything risking taking this away from me......because without this......I don't know what I'd do......without you..."
...
She's speechless. Way to go Tiff...you fucking idiot...you stupid, dumpy, ugly piece of...
"Tiff..."
...
"I...I have no idea what you're going through right now...but are you sure this is what you want?"
"What?"
"I mean...I don't watch wrestling but from what I've seen, you seemed like a big deal...you were a champion for like over a year, right? That's pretty cool..."
She thinks I'm cool?
"...but that's a lot to just give up. I have no idea what you see in me, but do you have any idea how I feel knowing how much you gave up just to spend time with me? You must have so many fans who are concerned about you...the friends you made in wrestling..."
Friends? Ha...what friends? Oh shut up Tiff...
"...I don't think I can be friends with someone who wants to throw their entire life away just to be with me. Do you know how much pressure that puts on me? I haven't even started college yet..."
Oh yeah...forgot how young she is...hate how she's looking down at me though...
"...I'm sorry Tiff...I just can't..."
"Chantelle please..."
There's no point. You can't...
"...I'm so sorry... I just want to be happy...but I never meant to make you or anyone else feel this way......I've never been so happy since I've met you......but if you don't let me make you feel the same way as I do......I don't know what I'd do..."
Man you're desperate...but god I don't want her to leave...
"Tiff..."
"...please Chantelle...I'm sorry...I know I should have told you everything from the beginning...I'm sorry you had to find out about me this way...but I really can't go on without making it up to you somehow...you've given me so much...made me feel things I've never felt before...you've genuinely changed my life for the better...all I ask is for a chance to return the favor...just something to help make you feel the same way I do when I'm with you...please...please..."
Please...
...
...
"Ok..."
Wait?
"...Tiff...I'm sorry..."
What?
"...I didn't know how much this all meant to you..."
Really?
"...if this is really what you want, then ok..."
Yes!
"...I won't leave you."
"Oh thank you! Thank you so much!"
Oh god I'm so happy! All I wanna do is just...
"Whoa what the hell?"
...
...
WHAT DID YOU DO!?
"I......uhhh......ummm..."
Oh god...did you just try to kiss her?
"Oh fuck...I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry..."
What the fuck is wrong with you?
"Tiffany..."
I fucked up...I fucked up so hard...
"Chantelle please...I really didn't mean..."
She's backing away...oh my fucking god...
"I'm sorry..."
No...
"Please..."
"I'll see you around..."
She's leaving......oh god.....no don't chase her you fucking idiot......you stupid fucking idiot......why did you have to try to fucking kiss her? Why did you? I thought you liked boys......wait......do you like boys? Oh god I don't fucking know anymore......you're so fucked up......you're so fucking fucked up in the fucking head you fucking bitch...you dumb stupid fucking dumpy ugly ass bitch......you've blown it......you've really blown it......you're last chance at happiness...and it's gone...it's fucking gone...you're never gonna be happy again...this is what happens when you try to fix things...this is what happens when you try to make things better...this is what happens when you try to make yourself happy......you're miserable......just accept it......you're not meant to be happy...you don't deserve to be happy...you ruin everything that you touch...even people who you decide to call friends...all you do is scare them off...like Chantelle...oh god Chantelle...please don't leave me......I can't do this......I just can't do this anymore......I'll never be happy again......everyone fucking hates you......I hate you......you deserve to die...just fucking die...
...
That's what you get for ignoring me...
Inside...
I told you...there's no way out...you're stuck like this...this is your life now......this is what you wanted, right? This is why you threw everything away...all your friends...all your fans...everything. And why? Just to sit on your fucking fat ass, stuff your fucking face and play a bunch of fucking games with a bunch of strangers who don't want anything to do with you anymore......sounds about right......this is your life now......this is what you wanted......this is your bed of nails......this is all you'll ever amount to again......no more matches...no more titles...no more friends...no more enemies...no more fans...no more giving up. This is it. This is your life from now on. This is what happens every time you try to change...so what's the point of changing anything ever again? It couldn't possibly get any worse...you've already screwed up so much......so why don't you just sit back down...open that bag of chips...and play some more games? It's all you're fucking good at...
One hour later...
Goddammit this game fucking sucks! Why does this game suck so much? Why am I so bad at everything? Why can't I just be happy? Like everyone else. Like all the normal people. I mean look at you. You're nothing but a worthless slob. You know...Chantelle was right...you threw everything away...and why? Because wrestling didn't make you happy anymore? Yeah well nothing makes you happy apparently......not even games anymore......not even......wait......oh fuck...I completely forgot...
"My book..."
I completely forgot about this......I just had so much fun with my new friends...I guess I just gave up on it......like you always do......you're such a quitter. You quit your career...you quit your training...you quit your diet...and now you quit your book......I'm just a quitter......why did I ever think I could write a stupid book anyway? I mean look at this......nothing but fucking dribble......some skater who decides to be quit skating......and......oh...
...
"Fuck..."
...
This is stupid......what the fuck am I doing with my life? Who even am I anymore?
...
You just wanted to escape......that's all this is......that's why you accepted it......that's why you accepted the change......you wanted to get as far away from your old life as possible......I didn't want to be that girl anymore......I didn't want that life anymore......even if it meant falling into this fucking pit...
...
Change is inevitable......that's what she told me......but no matter how much I change......shit always stays the same......I'm still this little freak......no matter what shape or size......no matter what life I choose to live......I'm stuck as this horrible little bitch......who no one loves......who everyone looks down at......who doesn't belong anywhere I go......she was wrong......I ain't beautiful......never have been......never will be......no one ever changes......especially not me...
...
...there's only one way to change things...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
I was wrong...
...
Why did I do that?
...
I'm sorry...
...
I shouldn't have done that...
...
Do these marks ever come off?
...
I love you...I'm sorry...
...
I don't want to do that again...
...
Change is inevitable......it has to be......I need to be wrong......I can't live like this anymore......if you can't take the easy way then you have to do it the hard way......I just can't be this person anymore......I need to be someone else......someone who actually wants to live......someone who wants to make the effort......someone who makes the change happen......I need to change......I need to escape...
...
...I'll do whatever it takes...
...
...but I can't do this on my own...
...
...I need help...
...
...
...
Help me.
alexD1991
Great game guys! Can't wait for the next one...
OttoHellem
I like the short girl. She's cute.
dragonz917
That chubby girl looks kinda familiar...
yellowmellowjello
Isn't that Tiffany Tompkins?
Rhinocaller
Pretty sure that's Tiff Rollins or Tompkins or whatever her name is now...
damiyn
Holy shit that's Tiff Rollins! She really let herself go didn't she? Someone hasn't been to the gym in a while...
arnieball
Brah she looking thicc af
SimonOscar2
Did she retire or something? I guess not everyone can cope as a wrestler...
beckygable04
OMG look at those glasses! She's so adorkable
LionMBishop
Never liked her anyway. MWE is much better without her...
My life is over. There's nothing I can do about this...nothing to get me out of this...I've never fucked up so hard in my life. This shit couldn't get any worse. Holy fuck I've never been so embarrassed......I mean what kind of stupid fucking idiot am I? You thought no one was gonna notice? No one's gonna notice how the former Cloud Gate Champion ended up on some random ass live stream playing Dungeons & Dragons and acting like a fucking clown? You should have known this was gonna happen. You should have just said no. You should have just told the truth. And now Tiff Rollins is gonna be remembered as the fat one of Triple-G gaming...
*buzz*
Is that her? No...fucking news update again...god fucking damn it! Chantelle...I can't believe how badly I fucked this up......I mean......you can't really blame her......maybe if you actually told her the truth from the very beginning, you wouldn't be in this fucking mess...maybe she'd actually answer your calls...maybe she'd actually show up at the park for lunch...maybe she wouldn't ignore you for the rest of your miserable! She must think I'm a total tool......I shouldn't have bothered. I really shouldn't have. Why do I keep scaring off everyone I love? Oh yeah...that's right...because you're fucking trash...fucking garbage...you really should just fucking give up...give up and die.
...
Oh god just stop eating for one fucking minute of your fucking life you fucking stupid fat ugly bitch!
...
Everything's falling apart......it's over......my life is over......I don't know what to do......no one will help me......no one wants to help me......I need......I need...
*buzz*
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck it's her...it's fucking her...she texted me back! Holy fuck what does it say...
"we need to talk"
No shit, what do you think I've been trying to do? Oh god what does she wanna say? Is she mad? Maybe she doesn't mind? Maybe she just wants to laugh at me, like Todd did......oh fuck this is a prank, isn't it? I bet Todd put her up to this......but what if it's not? What if it's just a talk between me and Chantelle? Oh god I don't know if I can do this......I can't do this...
"ok. When?"
I got to......I need to know......please...
"tomorrow. Lunch time. At the park"
...please......forgive me......I can't live like this...
"ok. And sorry"
...
No reply......goddammit no reply......this is all your fault. She probably doesn't wanna see you ever again after this...and it's all your fault. Your life is a lie...your whole life is a lie...why do you always lie? Why do you always have to lie? You lie to your friends...you lie to your family...you lie to your fans...or what's left of them...your whole life is a lie...even your own fucking name is a lie! All you do is lie...and every time you get exposed, you just end up lying again......why can't you just stop lying? Why can't you just say the truth...just...fucking...once...
...
Why did I do this to myself? I mean look at you......you fucking fatass......no wonder no one loves you......who would ever love this dumpy ass? You know what? I hate this......I fucking hate this......I'm such a fucking slob......where did it go so fucking wrong? This isn't you......this is not who you are......you need to stop lying to yourself......oh god who the fuck am I though? If this isn't me, then who am I? Why is everything so fucking hard? Why can't I just be happy with myself? Why do I always have to lie? Why would you ever tell yourself that this is fine? That this is who you are? And who you ever will be? This isn't you......this can't be you......just...stop...fucking...lying...
"Oww!"
For fuck sake! Why did you do that? God my fucking hand hurts! How does punching a mirror solve anything? God I'm weak...I didn't even leave a crack! When was the last time I actually hit something? Oh god I'm getting weak......fuck these fucking bingo wings......what are you fucking doing to yourself? I really need to do something about this...
Later that night...
I shouldn't have done that......everything's aching......can't even stand up......my fucking god this hurts......hardest...fucking...workout...ever......is it even worth it though? I mean......what's the point? It's not like anyone cares about you......why should you care about yourself? Goddammit...
"Stop..."
What?
"Stop..."
Why am I...
"Stop."
...
"I just need some rest..."
...
The following morning...
...
"Thanks again mom..."
...
You done? I'm sorry, I didn't think shutting yourself up would help you focus more......it's a shame no matter how hard you try, you're still not getting back in shape......no one's ever gonna love you again......and even if they do, you'll just scare them off again......just face it...you're nothing but a...
"Time for a shower..."
...
Goddammit will you please stop shutting yourself up for one minute?
"Time to take my pills..."
...
Why are you doing this? What's the point? You're just building yourself up for another downfall. Things could still get worse for you......what if you can't lose the weight? What if you end up getting a health condition or something? What if Brytain kicks you out of the family? What if Chantelle...
"Oh fuck..."
You completely forgot, didn't you? See what happens when you keep focus? You lose track of everything else! Why are you so stupid? You have to get ready...you need to get ready......goddammit why did you even try?
"Wait..."
What now?
"...I know..."
...
Alright. Big whoop. You picked out your new RHCP shirt and jeans. Guess someone's not making the effort...
"It's fine...she wouldn't care..."
Are you sure? Well...I mean...I guess she wouldn't...after all...it's not like she makes much of an effort either......but then again......today could be different...
"No...this is fine..."
Well...what about the hair? No bangs today? I mean...I guess there's no point in disguising yourself anymore...everyone knows how much of a fat fuck Tiff Rollins is now...
"Where are my earphones?"
Earphones? What? You think that will take your mind off of...
...
Outside...
...
You're not gonna get out of this...there's no way out...she hates you...she fucking hates you...why else is she ignoring you? She's probably gonna tell you how much she hates you right in your face...do you think you can take that? Do you think you can take another rejection in your life?
"Fuck..."
Oh god there she is......oh god what do I do? I can't do this......oh god she sees me......she doesn't look happy......just run......it's not too late to run...
"Chantelle!"
Oh fuck...
"Hey..."
She's so pissed...
"So...uhhh..."
"Can we sit down?"
"...oh...uhhh...sure..."
Oh god she's dumping me, isn't she? Wait......I mean......fuck off...
"Ok...look......I...I don't know how to say this......but..."
But what?
"...but I just wanted to tell you......I'm sorry......I just think it's better we don't see each other anymore..."
...
"What?"
"I'm sorry...it's just that......I don't know......why didn't you tell me?"
"Chantelle please. I wanted to. I really wanted to..."
"Then why didn't you?"
"Because that's not who I am anymore!"
...
"What do you mean?"
"That's not the kind of person I want to be anymore......not now......not since I met you..."
Stop...
"...I was so ashamed of who I was..."
"But you were a champion wrestler! Why would you want to throw that away?"
"Because......because that was never meant to happen......I'm not meant to be a wrestler......I'm not meant to be a champion......none of it brought me happiness. I mean...sure it was fun at the beginning......but with so many people trying to bring you down......using your own private life against you just to get a win......ruining your whole life just for a stupid belt......it's not worth it. It's just not worth putting my body through that......I just......I just want to be happy...with my life...my body...everything...I just want to be happy..."
...
"But why didn't you just tell me who you were to begin with? How am I supposed to trust you now?"
She's right...every time you try to keep a secret it always ends up fucking you up in the end...
"I don't know...I...I can't remember the last time I was as happy as I am...with you..."
...
"...I know you probably hate me right now......and you should......but I don't think I've ever been this happy before......I've actually kinda enjoyed myself since I've been with you......you make me feel better about myself......you make me feel comfortable in this body......you make me feel like smiling for real......I'm sorry......I just didn't want anything risking taking this away from me......because without this......I don't know what I'd do......without you..."
...
She's speechless. Way to go Tiff...you fucking idiot...you stupid, dumpy, ugly piece of...
"Tiff..."
...
"I...I have no idea what you're going through right now...but are you sure this is what you want?"
"What?"
"I mean...I don't watch wrestling but from what I've seen, you seemed like a big deal...you were a champion for like over a year, right? That's pretty cool..."
She thinks I'm cool?
"...but that's a lot to just give up. I have no idea what you see in me, but do you have any idea how I feel knowing how much you gave up just to spend time with me? You must have so many fans who are concerned about you...the friends you made in wrestling..."
Friends? Ha...what friends? Oh shut up Tiff...
"...I don't think I can be friends with someone who wants to throw their entire life away just to be with me. Do you know how much pressure that puts on me? I haven't even started college yet..."
Oh yeah...forgot how young she is...hate how she's looking down at me though...
"...I'm sorry Tiff...I just can't..."
"Chantelle please..."
There's no point. You can't...
"...I'm so sorry... I just want to be happy...but I never meant to make you or anyone else feel this way......I've never been so happy since I've met you......but if you don't let me make you feel the same way as I do......I don't know what I'd do..."
Man you're desperate...but god I don't want her to leave...
"Tiff..."
"...please Chantelle...I'm sorry...I know I should have told you everything from the beginning...I'm sorry you had to find out about me this way...but I really can't go on without making it up to you somehow...you've given me so much...made me feel things I've never felt before...you've genuinely changed my life for the better...all I ask is for a chance to return the favor...just something to help make you feel the same way I do when I'm with you...please...please..."
Please...
...
...
"Ok..."
Wait?
"...Tiff...I'm sorry..."
What?
"...I didn't know how much this all meant to you..."
Really?
"...if this is really what you want, then ok..."
Yes!
"...I won't leave you."
"Oh thank you! Thank you so much!"
Oh god I'm so happy! All I wanna do is just...
"Whoa what the hell?"
...
...
WHAT DID YOU DO!?
"I......uhhh......ummm..."
Oh god...did you just try to kiss her?
"Oh fuck...I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry..."
What the fuck is wrong with you?
"Tiffany..."
I fucked up...I fucked up so hard...
"Chantelle please...I really didn't mean..."
She's backing away...oh my fucking god...
"I'm sorry..."
No...
"Please..."
"I'll see you around..."
She's leaving......oh god.....no don't chase her you fucking idiot......you stupid fucking idiot......why did you have to try to fucking kiss her? Why did you? I thought you liked boys......wait......do you like boys? Oh god I don't fucking know anymore......you're so fucked up......you're so fucking fucked up in the fucking head you fucking bitch...you dumb stupid fucking dumpy ugly ass bitch......you've blown it......you've really blown it......you're last chance at happiness...and it's gone...it's fucking gone...you're never gonna be happy again...this is what happens when you try to fix things...this is what happens when you try to make things better...this is what happens when you try to make yourself happy......you're miserable......just accept it......you're not meant to be happy...you don't deserve to be happy...you ruin everything that you touch...even people who you decide to call friends...all you do is scare them off...like Chantelle...oh god Chantelle...please don't leave me......I can't do this......I just can't do this anymore......I'll never be happy again......everyone fucking hates you......I hate you......you deserve to die...just fucking die...
...
That's what you get for ignoring me...
Inside...
I told you...there's no way out...you're stuck like this...this is your life now......this is what you wanted, right? This is why you threw everything away...all your friends...all your fans...everything. And why? Just to sit on your fucking fat ass, stuff your fucking face and play a bunch of fucking games with a bunch of strangers who don't want anything to do with you anymore......sounds about right......this is your life now......this is what you wanted......this is your bed of nails......this is all you'll ever amount to again......no more matches...no more titles...no more friends...no more enemies...no more fans...no more giving up. This is it. This is your life from now on. This is what happens every time you try to change...so what's the point of changing anything ever again? It couldn't possibly get any worse...you've already screwed up so much......so why don't you just sit back down...open that bag of chips...and play some more games? It's all you're fucking good at...
One hour later...
Goddammit this game fucking sucks! Why does this game suck so much? Why am I so bad at everything? Why can't I just be happy? Like everyone else. Like all the normal people. I mean look at you. You're nothing but a worthless slob. You know...Chantelle was right...you threw everything away...and why? Because wrestling didn't make you happy anymore? Yeah well nothing makes you happy apparently......not even games anymore......not even......wait......oh fuck...I completely forgot...
"My book..."
I completely forgot about this......I just had so much fun with my new friends...I guess I just gave up on it......like you always do......you're such a quitter. You quit your career...you quit your training...you quit your diet...and now you quit your book......I'm just a quitter......why did I ever think I could write a stupid book anyway? I mean look at this......nothing but fucking dribble......some skater who decides to be quit skating......and......oh...
...
"Fuck..."
...
This is stupid......what the fuck am I doing with my life? Who even am I anymore?
...
You just wanted to escape......that's all this is......that's why you accepted it......that's why you accepted the change......you wanted to get as far away from your old life as possible......I didn't want to be that girl anymore......I didn't want that life anymore......even if it meant falling into this fucking pit...
...
Change is inevitable......that's what she told me......but no matter how much I change......shit always stays the same......I'm still this little freak......no matter what shape or size......no matter what life I choose to live......I'm stuck as this horrible little bitch......who no one loves......who everyone looks down at......who doesn't belong anywhere I go......she was wrong......I ain't beautiful......never have been......never will be......no one ever changes......especially not me...
...
...there's only one way to change things...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
I was wrong...
...
Why did I do that?
...
I'm sorry...
...
I shouldn't have done that...
...
Do these marks ever come off?
...
I love you...I'm sorry...
...
I don't want to do that again...
...
Change is inevitable......it has to be......I need to be wrong......I can't live like this anymore......if you can't take the easy way then you have to do it the hard way......I just can't be this person anymore......I need to be someone else......someone who actually wants to live......someone who wants to make the effort......someone who makes the change happen......I need to change......I need to escape...
...
...I'll do whatever it takes...
...
...but I can't do this on my own...
...
...I need help...
...
...
...
Help me.