Post by Tiff on May 29, 2020 9:19:06 GMT -6
"Chapter One".
Good start......for a few days ago......now I really gotta get into the nitty gritty. This book ain't gonna write itself......luckily I've been coming up with these new ideas for the story. I've been floating around for days now but I think I've finally found one to stick with. Like what I said before...I want to create a better version of me...a version of me who I'll never hope of being...but it can't be about wrestling. No. I want the main character to be based on me, not actually me. No...this is gonna be a parallel timeline. What if I stuck to skating? What if I became a pro skater? Yeah that's it......a skater who is forced to retire and then make a comeback just in time for the biggest event of the year......that's good shit. The question is though......how do we get to the comeback? It's not as simple as that, right? I mean, he must have something to overcome, like an injury or something...maybe a few other things that keep holding him back? Basically he has to find a way to crawl up from the very bottom of a pit...he needs to find a way to reach that point where he becomes that perfect character no one could ever strive to be, just like in Trish's book...but where should I start? Probably from when he retired, right? Something must have happened to him to retire, right? Yeah that's a fucking hook right there. But what does he do in the meantime? The comeback can't be overnight...there has to be something to hold him back...something he has to deal with...
*knock knock*
Oh shit! How long have I been sitting here? Mom's probably worried sick again...oh...don't forget to flush...
"Oh...hey mom..."
"Hey kiddo. You've been in the bathroom for forty minutes. Everything ok?"
FORTY MINUTES!?
"umm...yeah...sorry...just...thinking about my book...that's all..."
"I thought you said you were going for a walk today..."
I did? When? Oh shit...yeah...I actually remember...for inspiration or some bullshit, right? Knowing Brytain though it's probably just another way to say I'm fat and need to lose weight...
"Oh...umm...yeah...I was...uhh...I was about to get ready..."
Wait hold on a sec...
"Alright. Let me know before you go."
"Ok..."
Why? Why did you just say that? You ain't ready! You're clearly not ready! You just came up with these awesome ideas for the book, I can't go without writing them down...I haven't showered after that morning run yet...and the new clothes I ordered aren't here yet......ok Tiff......calm down......don't stress yourself out yet, it hasn't been long enough since you took those pills......just take a few deep breaths......just go to your notebook......write down what you just come up with for the book......put the notebook back in the shelf......and now go take a quick shower...
Thirty minutes later...
God I hate this body......I don't even wanna look at it, let alone rub all over it......but god damn did that shower feel good? I wish I could stay in the shower forever......anyway......aw fuck I guess I better get dressed for this stupid walk......oh god look how hot it looks outside too! I can already tell I'm gonna regret it......I'm gonna get so tired and sweaty, I won't be able to get comfy after, I'll probably end up wasting another day......pretty much the same old shit......alright......might as well get this over with...
Fifteen minutes later...
Ok. Ponytail? Check. Tank-top? A little small for a medium size, but check. Shoes? A little dirty after the run, but check. Pants? Not very flattering, but...well...actually now that I think about it...not flattering at all...pretty sure people will see a little too much with these...better take them off...oh and these shoes? Killing my ankles, better change them too...and you know what? I think this top must have shrunk in the wash too, let me just find another one...I don't know why but I ain't feeling this ponytail either...
Another fifteen minutes later...
Alright. My Metallica shirt doesn't feel like a medium anymore, but at least it doesn't ride up like the other tops...these old slip-ons are probably like five years old now...now I just gotta.,.umm...ugh...come on...huff...huff...oh fuck off really? These jeans too? Well I guess that's why they call them skinny jeans, not exactly considerate for a fat bitch like me...these stupid emo shoes can go too...and it's probably not a good idea to wear a black shirt in this weather...back to the drawing board...
Yet another fifteen minutes later...
Well...I don't even remember buying this...but at least this sundress fits...I guess...wish it was a little longer but at least know one will see my undies...might as well stick with these sandals too...it's not like I'm going hiking or anything...and I think I can pull off this natural hair look today, since I just got out of the shower like five minutes ago...well...I mean...maybe I should wear a cap too...gotta stay incognito...don't wanna get recognized like this......alright I guess I better......oh wait...almost forgot...doctor's orders...gotta wear these stupid glasses more often now...as if I couldn't look more like trash......ah well......the sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can come back to the same old shit...
Five minutes later...
"Ok mom, I'm going now! I won't be long!"
I can hear her in the other room telling me to be careful. Like going for a walk is the most dangerous thing I've ever done. The same woman who literally trapped me on top of a thirty foot cage for six hours just to get me to jump off. Shows how much I really have fallen I guess...ok here we go...
Outside...
Ok...no problem...it's a little bit hot...but at least the breeze is nice...not too shabby...wish I had pockets though...not a fan of carrying this phone with me all the time...probably should have brought a bottle of water with me though...and maybe something to eat too...god I'm starving...did I even have breakfast today? I don't think I did...huh...oh god someone's coming...just act natural...ok phew...they didn't care...good...fuck this is embarrassing...am I even walking or just waddling right now? Can't tell...alright it's getting a little windy now...watch where you're blowing man...I knew this sundress was a bad idea...uh oh here comes more people...what are you looking at? What? Can't a girl have a quick walk without being stared at? I swear all these people keep judging me...god how long does it take to get to the park? Is it getting hotter here or is it just me? Man I'm thirsty...wish I brought some cash with me...stupid dress...you know what? Let's check Twitter...
*buzz*
Another news update? Big deal, not interested, let's see......oh? Look who followed me again...hey Britty. Oh? Oh my god she did it...she actually got kids now? Guess she's not so huge anymore......should I say congrats? Nah...a like should be ok......what else we got? Oh......Luna......she thinks she's so hot, doesn't she? Goddammit it's not fair...why can't I have a body like that? No wonder Coen picked her over me...god please just give me one more chance to kick her head in...or at least let me have her body...she can have this dumpy ass instead......anything new from Skylynn yet? Of course not...if she saw me like this I would never hear the end of it...she's better off forgetting about me completely......I think that's about it......any tweets I sent on accident again? Oh look...another tweet about donuts...why the fuck do I keep doing this? I should probably just deactivate my account. That'll be the best for everyone......oh who am I kidding?
*beep beep*
"Hey watch it..."
Stupid biker nearly ran me over! Watch where you're going next time you jackass! Now where was I? God it's fucking sweltering right now...what happened to the wind? Oh man...getting kinda thirsty now...oh hey...remember grinding on that rail? Man those were the days...just riding down here on my board...oh...and right on cue...check these guys out...
"Woo!"
Oh shit! Did I just say that out loud? Be cool Tiff, be cool......ok good......they didn't acknowledge me......god it's so nice to walk somewhere without someone noticing me......it must be these glasses...like a Clark Kent thing or something......oh god......what if someone does notice me? Like the tabloids or something? What if they get a load of me? I'd never hear the end of it......oh......I shouldn't be here......I shouldn't be out here......this was a mistake...a huge mistake......oh god what's happening? Oh fuck...the pills...gonna be sick...oh god...
...
Fuck...oh fuck...fucking hell...god my fucking head......wait......wait......where......where am I? How did I get here? Who the fuck is...
"Oh...hey...you feeling ok?"
What's going on here? Where am I? Who is this?
"Uhhh...wha-"
"It's ok...don't worry...you're safe..."
Am I on a bench? Who's bag am I sleeping on? Who is this girl? Why is she sitting by my feet? What's going on?
"What......what......happened?"
"I found you lying on the floor...someone said it was a heatstroke...I took you to the shade to stay with you until you cool down..."
Is this the park? Where's my phone? Where did my glasses go? Wait...this doesn't make any sense...
"Did...did you carry me...here?"
"Well...me and like four other people...I said I'd look after you until you wake up...the other people left me here with you..."
"And you didn't call the ambulance?"
"I'm sorry...I guess I didn't think this through...I just...I don't know...I guess I just wanted to make sure you're ok...here...have some water..."
Well this day turned to shit...this girl thinks I had a heatstroke? Should I tell her the truth? No...don't you dare tell her about the pills you dummy. You can't tell anyone...
"Thank you."
"It's ok...I couldn't just leave you alone, could I? Oh...here's your stuff...I saved your phone...but...I'm sorry about the glasses..."
Well shit...Brytain's gonna kill me about the glasses...oh shit...
"How long have I been here?"
"I think it's been about half an hour..."
Half an hour? Gotta be a new record...
"So...uhh...are you local? Or..."
Is she serious right now?
"Oh...umm...yeah..."
"Not far?"
Why is she interrogating me?
"Not really...just came out for a walk..."
"Right...yeah...same here...I just come here for my lunch break really..."
Has she not heard of social distancing?
"Well...uhhh...thank you...again...for helping me and all..."
"Oh. Oh yeah. Like I said, don't mention it...as long as you're ok...that's the main..."
"Yeah..."
You know what? This is actually nice. This random girl just wasted thirty minutes of her own life just to keep me safe. She doesn't even know who I am! But what do I do about this? Do I owe her now? Should I make friends with her? No...don't be stupid...she's too good to be friends with you...don't bring her down to your level...
"Well...here's some more water...you should probably go home and get some rest..."
She's about to leave. Are you sure you don't want to do anything about this? Maybe say thanks? Oh I already said that...umm...think Tiff think...
"Stay safe, ok?"
"WAIT!!"
What?
...
Well?
"umm......do...do you want...I don't know...maybe...do you want to...maybe...wanna have a KFC...or something...maybe?"
Good job thinking with your stomach...you fucking idiot...
"I'm sorry..."
Oh...
"...I really have to head back to work..."
STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID
"Ok..."
Of course she's not gonna waste any more time with you! Who in their right mind would? You're pathetic...you're a pathetic little bitch...you're a pathetic, fat little bitch...as if a nice girl like that would hang out with you at fucking KFC! KFC? Really? That was the best you could come up with? At least make it sound a little less like you're asking her on a date or something, you fucking creep...you disgusting...
"But..."
...
"...I always come to the park every lunch time...if you ever wanna stop by..."
"Oh......uhhh......yeah......that sounds......great..."
"Cool...maybe I'll see you after 12 then?"
"Sure..."
"Ok...I guess I'll see you around, miss..."
"Oh......ummm......Tiff......my name's Tiffany..."
"I'm Chantelle. I'll see you around, Tiffany."
...
What...what just happened? Did...did I just...no...no this isn't real...you didn't just make a friend...don't rush into things like you always do...she's not your friend...I mean...not yet...but you do have a date...uhhh...I mean a friendly date with her...I mean...technically? You actually got a date with a friend! Holy crap...I...I gotta go...gotta get back...holy shit...
Back inside...
Oh god...it's been so long...when was the last time I got to hang out with someone other than Brytain? Oh shit...what should I do? I mean...is it just gonna be like a chat or something? Are we gonna walk together? Maybe eat somewhere? What should I wear? I gotta wear something nice...well...I don't know...this is weird...this is really weird...why is this such a big deal to you? You have friends...you know how to talk to people......or do I? Oh god...it's been so long......ok Tiff......slow down......you just got back home......just tell Brytain nothing happened......and you're going for another walk tomorrow......yeah......that should shut her up......oh fuck......I forgot the glasses......she's gonna kill me...
Twenty minutes later...
Tape? Really? She fixed my glasses with tape? Does she have any idea how much of a dork I look right now? Oh god...why is my face so red? And my shoulders...fuck...was I this red in front of Chantelle? My god she must think I'm a total tool......I mean look at me......for fuck sake......how long have I had this double chin now? Feels like forever at this point......and these fucking fat rolls......I don't even wanna turn around, I probably look like a right lard-ass......pretty sure these thighs weren't supposed to jiggle that much either......god why did you get so fat? How did you get so fat? How much weight have I put on? I don't even wanna know......I thought this diet was supposed to help me lose weight......for fuck sake......why would Chantelle wanna spend any time with a lump like me? God take this stupid dress off me...
Later that night...
I wonder what she's into? She didn't really look old...my god she was tall though...gotta be a foot taller......imagine if she's younger than me? Yeah I'm not sure how I'd take that......as if being eye level with her chest was bad enough......she can't live too far away if she works close to the park......maybe she works in one of the local shops? She didn't look dressed for business or anything......she didn't exactly look like she works out much either...not a lot of meat on those bones...I mean...compared to me at least......I liked her blouse though......maybe I should start wearing more colorful stuff like that...yeah right...need to find something that actually fits first......I wonder what music she listens to? Probably pop...she seemed too sweet for anything rock......I wonder if she plays games? What if she has a PS4? Yeah...then I could add her as a friend and we could play shit together...that would kick ass......maybe......I don't know......why can't I stop thinking about this?
*buzz*
Another news update? Whatever......might as well check Twitter while I'm here......oh look it's Bianca again...what is it this time? Oh no, hashtag short girl problems? Boo hoo how hard your life must be...yeah you're the only good thing to ever come out of Rise, right? Well...then again...maybe she has a point...I don't know...look how far we've both come......what else is here? Huh...Fallon got into that Batgirl show? Yeah because what she needs more than anything is more attention...god how does she get all the success and I...well...I just got this? Some friend she turned out to be...guess I deserve it though......moving on......oh...speaking of Rise...there's Aurora. Would be nice to hear from her again...oh what am I talking about? D o you think she actually cares about what's happening with you? Why would she, when she has that golden child Bianca? Just add me to the list of failures......well......that sucked...
One minute later...
Oh shit! I forgot about my book! Ah fuck it, I'll work on it tomorrow...well...actually...you know what? This gives me an idea......so the skater dude is forced to retire, right? Before he can make his comeback though, he has to overcome something...but actually...what if he doesn't? I mean...what if he can't do it on his own? What if he needs help? Maybe he meets someone who helps him turn his life around? Wait......stop right there Tiff......don't you even think of giving that much thought to Chantelle. We don't even know if she wants to be friends yet......she's just some girl you met in the park......some girl who saved your life...well...I wouldn't go that far...I don't know...maybe? I don't know......maybe......I don't know......I'll come back to that...I gotta get some sleep......fucking hell why is this blanket so heavy?
The following morning...
Wow...that was the first time I actually wanted to go on the morning run! Guess I'm feeling pretty good today...at least that should keep Brytain off my back......time to hit the shower...don't fuck this up Tiff...
Thirty minutes later...
Ok...that felt good...now what? Oh yeah...breakfast...
Another thirty minutes later...
What is actually the point of oatmeal? Like seriously...it's supposed to fill you up but it's so impossible to finish...and then you just end up wanting to eat something else because you couldn't finish it...when am I gonna get some real breakfast for a change? When was the last time I had a pizza? God I hate wearing these glasses...
*knock knock*
Oh? Is that my order? I hope it is...
Hell yeah! New clothes are here! Ok let's see......fuck yeah...my Radiohead shirt is here...my new shorts...new pants...new hoodie...jacket...bandana......cool. Looks like everything......what time is it now? Oh...still too early...I guess I'll have a little play first...shouldn't take too long to beat this boss...
Two hours later...
Fucking hell man! This is such fucking bullshit! Fuck this game man...this game fucking sucks! Absolute waste of my god damn time......oh fuck what time is it? Holy shit! Really? I gotta get ready...where's my new clothes? Ok gotta hurry...did I forget something? No time...can't be late...
Fifteen minutes later...
MEDIUM!! THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MEDIUM!! WHY CAN'T THEY FUCKING FIT!?
Another fifteen minutes later...
Why me? Why is this happening to me? I'm supposed to be a medium...why can't I just stop stuffing my face for five minutes so I can actually wear my own clothes and not feel like a fucking cow? The only thing that fits me is this stupid stretchy underwear...and even these a super fucking tight...look at me...I'm a big fat blob...a useless dumb fat disgusting blob......what am I gonna do? I can't go out like this...I can't go...but what about Chantelle? I'm gonna miss her......oh but who the hell am I kidding? It's probably for the best...she'll probably be happy I didn't show up...I'd only just end up scaring her away like all my other friends...why do you have to be such a freak? God you're so pathetic...how did you let yourself go like this? You're a fucking liar...a fucking cheat...a fucking slob...why can't I stop crying? God my life is over...I just wanna curl up into a ball and die...
"Hey kiddo! Did you take your-"
FUCK!!
...
Oh no. Not now. Please mom. Not another talk...
One hour later...
God. Fucking. Damn it. Of course she had to walk in on me like that......I forget to take my antidepressants one time and I never hear the end of it...god she always acts like it's the first time! Anyway...she does have a point......I can't really blame anyone for this...no one but me......this is all my fault......it's my fault I got so fat...it's my fault my clothes don't fit anymore...it's my fault I can't get back in shape......but what should I do? I don't know what makes me happy anymore......she said she'll make sure I stay healthy, but it's up to me if I wanna lose this weight or not...if I wanna put the effort in or not......as if your life isn't hard enough as it is......now you gotta lose like thirty pounds or something? There's no way I can deal with that...not like this anyway......but......I can't keep living like this either......something needs to change......but what? What's the better thing to do? What's the right thing to do?
*buzz*
What's this? Brytain texting instead of calling me again? Figures......oh......she's ordering pizza, huh? Seriously? After giving me that ultimatum? Well......since she's offering......I guess I can figure shit out tomorrow. Just like she said, there's always tomorrow...I know I missed her today but hopefully she'll be there again tomorrow...my sundress should be out of the wash by then...I hate wearing the same outfit but it's all I've got......well......guess I'm having pizza tonight...
Another hour later...
That was weird......I just ate so much pizza in front of Brytain......that's never happened before......usually she's telling me not to eat so much or to watch my figure or remind me about my diet or get me to do sit-ups afterward......but now......nothing? I guess she's serious......maybe it is up to me......but...I don't know...the cat and mouse game was kinda fun......is she really gonna stop caring about my diet?
*buzz*
Oh......afternoon run in five minutes......fuck.
The following morning...
Alright...morning run done...shower done...breakfast done...antidepressants done...as long as I don't stress out again, everything should be ok......got my sundress on......still a little tight on the top but hey at least there's a little more cleavage than usual......you know what? Now I'm looking at it again, it doesn't look half bad...I mean...for a whale like me that is......maybe I should try some make-up for change? Nah, too late now......loving this new hairstyle though......a top knot with bangs? Doesn't cover my short neck but it's a change from the usual. Why didn't I try this before? Thank you Youtube tutorials...now just gotta put the glasses on again...and...there. Well......it ain't perfect but......oh who am I kidding? What the fuck am I supposed to be? Look...
A few seconds later...
Look at this old photo of you. Last year. When you were Cloud Gate champion. And look at you now. You look nothing like that girl. You look like her double-chinned aunt for fuck sake! You used to be a warrior. Who are you supposed to be now? Where did it all go wrong? Oh come on Tiff......stop being like this......you look alright...I mean...for a girl like me...I guess...it'll do for today, right? Come on...let's just fucking go...
Back outside...
Well...it's not as sunny as last time...but at least it's not as windy either...don't have to worry about this dress blowing up again...ok here we go...ignoring these people...as long as they ignore me too, that's the main thing...it's so nice not being recognized...no fans or anything...still can't believe Chantelle didn't even know who I was...maybe I should tell her? I mean...that's if I see her again that is...well...I'm at the park now. What time is it? Well it's after twelve......still no sign of her......I guess I'll just sit on this bench and wait a little longer...she's probably a little late, that's all...I mean...I know she has a few reasons to ignore me...which is completely understandable...I wouldn't wanna hang out with me either...especially after no-showing yesterday...she probably hates my guts now...well I guess she'll have to join the queue......she's not coming, is she? You wasted your time over......oh look there she is...
"Hey! Chantelle! Hey!"
What are you doing? Stop making a scene you moron...
"Oh...uhhh...Tiffany, right?"
She didn't even remember your name! Are you kidding me? My god she's tall...so thin...
"I missed you yesterday. Was everything ok?"
Shit! Don't tell her the truth...
"Oh...ummm...yeah...sorry about that...I was...I was a little preoccupied..."
"Hey, don't worry about it. Things happen, right?"
That's the polite way of putting it...
"Well...since you're here now...I was about to grab a Subway. You're more than welcome to join me if you want."
She likes Subway? Huh...god I feel like a child next to her...I knew I should have put make-up on...
"Thank you. Sounds great."
"Cool."
A few minutes later...
Well...here we are...just sitting outside Subway...both eating ham sandwiches...god I must look like such a fatty right now...
"So Tiffany...do you work around here? Or..."
Uh oh...here comes the interview......can't tell her about the wrestling......gotta think fast...
"Ummm......well......I don't really have a job at the moment..."
"Oh?"
"Yeah...just been...you know...writing a book..."
WHAT THE FUCK!?
"Oh! You write?"
WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?
"Well...I mean...I just started really...still trying to figure stuff out..."
"Well if you ever need help with anything, you can always ask me."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. I'm doing a literature course right now. Been working in the charity shop down the road until I go to college later this year. You go to college?"
College? While everyone my age went to college, I was fighting the best wrestlers in the world......I guess she wouldn't know that though...
"No...I actually didn't go to college..."
SHIT!! WHY!?
"Really? Well I'm sure you have your reasons..."
Wait...she's going to college? Did she just finish high school or something? Oh god how young is she?
"So......changing subject......what do you do for fun?"
For fun? When was the last time you had any fun?
"Not much...I mean...I guess...I play a few games..."
Oh yes. Keep adding fuel to the dumpster fire why don't you?
"Oh? What games do you play?"
Wait what?
"Well...a little bit of everything really...I play Minecraft...Doom...Crash Bandicoot..."
"I love Crash Bandicoot!"
"No way!"
"He's the best!"
"I know, right?"
Wait...are...are we actually getting along?
"Do you play on PS4?"
"Yeah..."
"That's great! I got a few friends...we usually play online together on the weekends...you wanna play with us sometime?"
"Sure! I mean...sure. I would love to."
"Great. I'll add you as a friend when I get back from work..."
Add...me...as...a...friend?
"Hey...I don't suppose you watch Ricky and Morty, do you?"
Forty minutes later...
"...and so I was like...YOU MAD, BRO!?"
"HA HA HA HA" *snort* "HA HA HA" *snort*
I can't stop snorting! God she's so fucking funny!
"Oh god...that's hilarious..."
"Ha ha...yeah. Fun times..."
"I'm sorry..."
"For what?"
"I don't normally snort like that when I laugh..."
"Oh come on. Don't be like that. Besides, it's adorable!"
Adorable?
"Hey Tiff...just so you know...this has been fun."
Fun?
"Oh well I find that hard to believe..."
"Why?"
"Oh god I don't know......it's just that......I've been dealing with a lot of changes......like......I don't really know how to deal with them......I don't think I can be the same person I used to be..."
"Tiff...I know what you mean. The thing is...changes happen...whether you want them to or not. Whether you think you can control them or not. Change is inevitable. But growth is optional. I don't know what you're going through right now, but Tiff, please listen to me when I tell you this......you're beautiful. No matter what, you'll always be beautiful..."
Beautiful?
"But...but what I can't accept these changes? I just wanna be happy with myself, but how can I when I just can't accept the changes?"
"What makes you happy, Tiff?"
"What?"
"What makes you happy? You know, when I saw you today, I thought you looked happy. When we talked to each other, I thought you looked happy. Obviously I don't know what's going on in your life, and I'm not gonna go any further if you don't want me to, but honestly, from what I've seen, you seemed pretty happy today..."
Did I?
"I've always thought people should focus on the things that make them happy in life. If you can do that, then you can overcome any change, because a happy person is a beautiful person......I'm not sure if that made any sense but that's what I think anyway..."
...
"Anyway...I should head back to work...I'll let you know if we're playing tomorrow. If not, maybe I'll see you Monday?"
"Sure..."
And just like that...she's gone...the best thing to ever happen to me since the injury...I should head back too...
Back inside...
You know what? I think I know what my book should be about......so the skater dude gets forced into retirement...and he needs help to get his life back on track so he can make his epic comeback...but...what if he never comes back? What if he accepts his new life? Embraces it? Learns to be happy with it? Maybe he finds a new purpose in life? Perhaps a new sport he discovers...and then it turns out he's better at that sport than he is at skating? I don't know, seems a little cliche......well it's work in progress......I ain't in no rush to finish anytime soon...
*buzz*
Not now Twitter...I gotta finish this......ok...that's my orders returned...let's try this again...
...and this time...
...large size only.
Let's see where this goes...
Good start......for a few days ago......now I really gotta get into the nitty gritty. This book ain't gonna write itself......luckily I've been coming up with these new ideas for the story. I've been floating around for days now but I think I've finally found one to stick with. Like what I said before...I want to create a better version of me...a version of me who I'll never hope of being...but it can't be about wrestling. No. I want the main character to be based on me, not actually me. No...this is gonna be a parallel timeline. What if I stuck to skating? What if I became a pro skater? Yeah that's it......a skater who is forced to retire and then make a comeback just in time for the biggest event of the year......that's good shit. The question is though......how do we get to the comeback? It's not as simple as that, right? I mean, he must have something to overcome, like an injury or something...maybe a few other things that keep holding him back? Basically he has to find a way to crawl up from the very bottom of a pit...he needs to find a way to reach that point where he becomes that perfect character no one could ever strive to be, just like in Trish's book...but where should I start? Probably from when he retired, right? Something must have happened to him to retire, right? Yeah that's a fucking hook right there. But what does he do in the meantime? The comeback can't be overnight...there has to be something to hold him back...something he has to deal with...
*knock knock*
Oh shit! How long have I been sitting here? Mom's probably worried sick again...oh...don't forget to flush...
"Oh...hey mom..."
"Hey kiddo. You've been in the bathroom for forty minutes. Everything ok?"
FORTY MINUTES!?
"umm...yeah...sorry...just...thinking about my book...that's all..."
"I thought you said you were going for a walk today..."
I did? When? Oh shit...yeah...I actually remember...for inspiration or some bullshit, right? Knowing Brytain though it's probably just another way to say I'm fat and need to lose weight...
"Oh...umm...yeah...I was...uhh...I was about to get ready..."
Wait hold on a sec...
"Alright. Let me know before you go."
"Ok..."
Why? Why did you just say that? You ain't ready! You're clearly not ready! You just came up with these awesome ideas for the book, I can't go without writing them down...I haven't showered after that morning run yet...and the new clothes I ordered aren't here yet......ok Tiff......calm down......don't stress yourself out yet, it hasn't been long enough since you took those pills......just take a few deep breaths......just go to your notebook......write down what you just come up with for the book......put the notebook back in the shelf......and now go take a quick shower...
Thirty minutes later...
God I hate this body......I don't even wanna look at it, let alone rub all over it......but god damn did that shower feel good? I wish I could stay in the shower forever......anyway......aw fuck I guess I better get dressed for this stupid walk......oh god look how hot it looks outside too! I can already tell I'm gonna regret it......I'm gonna get so tired and sweaty, I won't be able to get comfy after, I'll probably end up wasting another day......pretty much the same old shit......alright......might as well get this over with...
Fifteen minutes later...
Ok. Ponytail? Check. Tank-top? A little small for a medium size, but check. Shoes? A little dirty after the run, but check. Pants? Not very flattering, but...well...actually now that I think about it...not flattering at all...pretty sure people will see a little too much with these...better take them off...oh and these shoes? Killing my ankles, better change them too...and you know what? I think this top must have shrunk in the wash too, let me just find another one...I don't know why but I ain't feeling this ponytail either...
Another fifteen minutes later...
Alright. My Metallica shirt doesn't feel like a medium anymore, but at least it doesn't ride up like the other tops...these old slip-ons are probably like five years old now...now I just gotta.,.umm...ugh...come on...huff...huff...oh fuck off really? These jeans too? Well I guess that's why they call them skinny jeans, not exactly considerate for a fat bitch like me...these stupid emo shoes can go too...and it's probably not a good idea to wear a black shirt in this weather...back to the drawing board...
Yet another fifteen minutes later...
Well...I don't even remember buying this...but at least this sundress fits...I guess...wish it was a little longer but at least know one will see my undies...might as well stick with these sandals too...it's not like I'm going hiking or anything...and I think I can pull off this natural hair look today, since I just got out of the shower like five minutes ago...well...I mean...maybe I should wear a cap too...gotta stay incognito...don't wanna get recognized like this......alright I guess I better......oh wait...almost forgot...doctor's orders...gotta wear these stupid glasses more often now...as if I couldn't look more like trash......ah well......the sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can come back to the same old shit...
Five minutes later...
"Ok mom, I'm going now! I won't be long!"
I can hear her in the other room telling me to be careful. Like going for a walk is the most dangerous thing I've ever done. The same woman who literally trapped me on top of a thirty foot cage for six hours just to get me to jump off. Shows how much I really have fallen I guess...ok here we go...
Outside...
Ok...no problem...it's a little bit hot...but at least the breeze is nice...not too shabby...wish I had pockets though...not a fan of carrying this phone with me all the time...probably should have brought a bottle of water with me though...and maybe something to eat too...god I'm starving...did I even have breakfast today? I don't think I did...huh...oh god someone's coming...just act natural...ok phew...they didn't care...good...fuck this is embarrassing...am I even walking or just waddling right now? Can't tell...alright it's getting a little windy now...watch where you're blowing man...I knew this sundress was a bad idea...uh oh here comes more people...what are you looking at? What? Can't a girl have a quick walk without being stared at? I swear all these people keep judging me...god how long does it take to get to the park? Is it getting hotter here or is it just me? Man I'm thirsty...wish I brought some cash with me...stupid dress...you know what? Let's check Twitter...
*buzz*
Another news update? Big deal, not interested, let's see......oh? Look who followed me again...hey Britty. Oh? Oh my god she did it...she actually got kids now? Guess she's not so huge anymore......should I say congrats? Nah...a like should be ok......what else we got? Oh......Luna......she thinks she's so hot, doesn't she? Goddammit it's not fair...why can't I have a body like that? No wonder Coen picked her over me...god please just give me one more chance to kick her head in...or at least let me have her body...she can have this dumpy ass instead......anything new from Skylynn yet? Of course not...if she saw me like this I would never hear the end of it...she's better off forgetting about me completely......I think that's about it......any tweets I sent on accident again? Oh look...another tweet about donuts...why the fuck do I keep doing this? I should probably just deactivate my account. That'll be the best for everyone......oh who am I kidding?
*beep beep*
"Hey watch it..."
Stupid biker nearly ran me over! Watch where you're going next time you jackass! Now where was I? God it's fucking sweltering right now...what happened to the wind? Oh man...getting kinda thirsty now...oh hey...remember grinding on that rail? Man those were the days...just riding down here on my board...oh...and right on cue...check these guys out...
"Woo!"
Oh shit! Did I just say that out loud? Be cool Tiff, be cool......ok good......they didn't acknowledge me......god it's so nice to walk somewhere without someone noticing me......it must be these glasses...like a Clark Kent thing or something......oh god......what if someone does notice me? Like the tabloids or something? What if they get a load of me? I'd never hear the end of it......oh......I shouldn't be here......I shouldn't be out here......this was a mistake...a huge mistake......oh god what's happening? Oh fuck...the pills...gonna be sick...oh god...
...
Fuck...oh fuck...fucking hell...god my fucking head......wait......wait......where......where am I? How did I get here? Who the fuck is...
"Oh...hey...you feeling ok?"
What's going on here? Where am I? Who is this?
"Uhhh...wha-"
"It's ok...don't worry...you're safe..."
Am I on a bench? Who's bag am I sleeping on? Who is this girl? Why is she sitting by my feet? What's going on?
"What......what......happened?"
"I found you lying on the floor...someone said it was a heatstroke...I took you to the shade to stay with you until you cool down..."
Is this the park? Where's my phone? Where did my glasses go? Wait...this doesn't make any sense...
"Did...did you carry me...here?"
"Well...me and like four other people...I said I'd look after you until you wake up...the other people left me here with you..."
"And you didn't call the ambulance?"
"I'm sorry...I guess I didn't think this through...I just...I don't know...I guess I just wanted to make sure you're ok...here...have some water..."
Well this day turned to shit...this girl thinks I had a heatstroke? Should I tell her the truth? No...don't you dare tell her about the pills you dummy. You can't tell anyone...
"Thank you."
"It's ok...I couldn't just leave you alone, could I? Oh...here's your stuff...I saved your phone...but...I'm sorry about the glasses..."
Well shit...Brytain's gonna kill me about the glasses...oh shit...
"How long have I been here?"
"I think it's been about half an hour..."
Half an hour? Gotta be a new record...
"So...uhh...are you local? Or..."
Is she serious right now?
"Oh...umm...yeah..."
"Not far?"
Why is she interrogating me?
"Not really...just came out for a walk..."
"Right...yeah...same here...I just come here for my lunch break really..."
Has she not heard of social distancing?
"Well...uhhh...thank you...again...for helping me and all..."
"Oh. Oh yeah. Like I said, don't mention it...as long as you're ok...that's the main..."
"Yeah..."
You know what? This is actually nice. This random girl just wasted thirty minutes of her own life just to keep me safe. She doesn't even know who I am! But what do I do about this? Do I owe her now? Should I make friends with her? No...don't be stupid...she's too good to be friends with you...don't bring her down to your level...
"Well...here's some more water...you should probably go home and get some rest..."
She's about to leave. Are you sure you don't want to do anything about this? Maybe say thanks? Oh I already said that...umm...think Tiff think...
"Stay safe, ok?"
"WAIT!!"
What?
...
Well?
"umm......do...do you want...I don't know...maybe...do you want to...maybe...wanna have a KFC...or something...maybe?"
Good job thinking with your stomach...you fucking idiot...
"I'm sorry..."
Oh...
"...I really have to head back to work..."
STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID
"Ok..."
Of course she's not gonna waste any more time with you! Who in their right mind would? You're pathetic...you're a pathetic little bitch...you're a pathetic, fat little bitch...as if a nice girl like that would hang out with you at fucking KFC! KFC? Really? That was the best you could come up with? At least make it sound a little less like you're asking her on a date or something, you fucking creep...you disgusting...
"But..."
...
"...I always come to the park every lunch time...if you ever wanna stop by..."
"Oh......uhhh......yeah......that sounds......great..."
"Cool...maybe I'll see you after 12 then?"
"Sure..."
"Ok...I guess I'll see you around, miss..."
"Oh......ummm......Tiff......my name's Tiffany..."
"I'm Chantelle. I'll see you around, Tiffany."
...
What...what just happened? Did...did I just...no...no this isn't real...you didn't just make a friend...don't rush into things like you always do...she's not your friend...I mean...not yet...but you do have a date...uhhh...I mean a friendly date with her...I mean...technically? You actually got a date with a friend! Holy crap...I...I gotta go...gotta get back...holy shit...
Back inside...
Oh god...it's been so long...when was the last time I got to hang out with someone other than Brytain? Oh shit...what should I do? I mean...is it just gonna be like a chat or something? Are we gonna walk together? Maybe eat somewhere? What should I wear? I gotta wear something nice...well...I don't know...this is weird...this is really weird...why is this such a big deal to you? You have friends...you know how to talk to people......or do I? Oh god...it's been so long......ok Tiff......slow down......you just got back home......just tell Brytain nothing happened......and you're going for another walk tomorrow......yeah......that should shut her up......oh fuck......I forgot the glasses......she's gonna kill me...
Twenty minutes later...
Tape? Really? She fixed my glasses with tape? Does she have any idea how much of a dork I look right now? Oh god...why is my face so red? And my shoulders...fuck...was I this red in front of Chantelle? My god she must think I'm a total tool......I mean look at me......for fuck sake......how long have I had this double chin now? Feels like forever at this point......and these fucking fat rolls......I don't even wanna turn around, I probably look like a right lard-ass......pretty sure these thighs weren't supposed to jiggle that much either......god why did you get so fat? How did you get so fat? How much weight have I put on? I don't even wanna know......I thought this diet was supposed to help me lose weight......for fuck sake......why would Chantelle wanna spend any time with a lump like me? God take this stupid dress off me...
Later that night...
I wonder what she's into? She didn't really look old...my god she was tall though...gotta be a foot taller......imagine if she's younger than me? Yeah I'm not sure how I'd take that......as if being eye level with her chest was bad enough......she can't live too far away if she works close to the park......maybe she works in one of the local shops? She didn't look dressed for business or anything......she didn't exactly look like she works out much either...not a lot of meat on those bones...I mean...compared to me at least......I liked her blouse though......maybe I should start wearing more colorful stuff like that...yeah right...need to find something that actually fits first......I wonder what music she listens to? Probably pop...she seemed too sweet for anything rock......I wonder if she plays games? What if she has a PS4? Yeah...then I could add her as a friend and we could play shit together...that would kick ass......maybe......I don't know......why can't I stop thinking about this?
*buzz*
Another news update? Whatever......might as well check Twitter while I'm here......oh look it's Bianca again...what is it this time? Oh no, hashtag short girl problems? Boo hoo how hard your life must be...yeah you're the only good thing to ever come out of Rise, right? Well...then again...maybe she has a point...I don't know...look how far we've both come......what else is here? Huh...Fallon got into that Batgirl show? Yeah because what she needs more than anything is more attention...god how does she get all the success and I...well...I just got this? Some friend she turned out to be...guess I deserve it though......moving on......oh...speaking of Rise...there's Aurora. Would be nice to hear from her again...oh what am I talking about? D o you think she actually cares about what's happening with you? Why would she, when she has that golden child Bianca? Just add me to the list of failures......well......that sucked...
One minute later...
Oh shit! I forgot about my book! Ah fuck it, I'll work on it tomorrow...well...actually...you know what? This gives me an idea......so the skater dude is forced to retire, right? Before he can make his comeback though, he has to overcome something...but actually...what if he doesn't? I mean...what if he can't do it on his own? What if he needs help? Maybe he meets someone who helps him turn his life around? Wait......stop right there Tiff......don't you even think of giving that much thought to Chantelle. We don't even know if she wants to be friends yet......she's just some girl you met in the park......some girl who saved your life...well...I wouldn't go that far...I don't know...maybe? I don't know......maybe......I don't know......I'll come back to that...I gotta get some sleep......fucking hell why is this blanket so heavy?
The following morning...
Wow...that was the first time I actually wanted to go on the morning run! Guess I'm feeling pretty good today...at least that should keep Brytain off my back......time to hit the shower...don't fuck this up Tiff...
Thirty minutes later...
Ok...that felt good...now what? Oh yeah...breakfast...
Another thirty minutes later...
What is actually the point of oatmeal? Like seriously...it's supposed to fill you up but it's so impossible to finish...and then you just end up wanting to eat something else because you couldn't finish it...when am I gonna get some real breakfast for a change? When was the last time I had a pizza? God I hate wearing these glasses...
*knock knock*
Oh? Is that my order? I hope it is...
Hell yeah! New clothes are here! Ok let's see......fuck yeah...my Radiohead shirt is here...my new shorts...new pants...new hoodie...jacket...bandana......cool. Looks like everything......what time is it now? Oh...still too early...I guess I'll have a little play first...shouldn't take too long to beat this boss...
Two hours later...
Fucking hell man! This is such fucking bullshit! Fuck this game man...this game fucking sucks! Absolute waste of my god damn time......oh fuck what time is it? Holy shit! Really? I gotta get ready...where's my new clothes? Ok gotta hurry...did I forget something? No time...can't be late...
Fifteen minutes later...
MEDIUM!! THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MEDIUM!! WHY CAN'T THEY FUCKING FIT!?
Another fifteen minutes later...
Why me? Why is this happening to me? I'm supposed to be a medium...why can't I just stop stuffing my face for five minutes so I can actually wear my own clothes and not feel like a fucking cow? The only thing that fits me is this stupid stretchy underwear...and even these a super fucking tight...look at me...I'm a big fat blob...a useless dumb fat disgusting blob......what am I gonna do? I can't go out like this...I can't go...but what about Chantelle? I'm gonna miss her......oh but who the hell am I kidding? It's probably for the best...she'll probably be happy I didn't show up...I'd only just end up scaring her away like all my other friends...why do you have to be such a freak? God you're so pathetic...how did you let yourself go like this? You're a fucking liar...a fucking cheat...a fucking slob...why can't I stop crying? God my life is over...I just wanna curl up into a ball and die...
"Hey kiddo! Did you take your-"
FUCK!!
...
Oh no. Not now. Please mom. Not another talk...
One hour later...
God. Fucking. Damn it. Of course she had to walk in on me like that......I forget to take my antidepressants one time and I never hear the end of it...god she always acts like it's the first time! Anyway...she does have a point......I can't really blame anyone for this...no one but me......this is all my fault......it's my fault I got so fat...it's my fault my clothes don't fit anymore...it's my fault I can't get back in shape......but what should I do? I don't know what makes me happy anymore......she said she'll make sure I stay healthy, but it's up to me if I wanna lose this weight or not...if I wanna put the effort in or not......as if your life isn't hard enough as it is......now you gotta lose like thirty pounds or something? There's no way I can deal with that...not like this anyway......but......I can't keep living like this either......something needs to change......but what? What's the better thing to do? What's the right thing to do?
*buzz*
What's this? Brytain texting instead of calling me again? Figures......oh......she's ordering pizza, huh? Seriously? After giving me that ultimatum? Well......since she's offering......I guess I can figure shit out tomorrow. Just like she said, there's always tomorrow...I know I missed her today but hopefully she'll be there again tomorrow...my sundress should be out of the wash by then...I hate wearing the same outfit but it's all I've got......well......guess I'm having pizza tonight...
Another hour later...
That was weird......I just ate so much pizza in front of Brytain......that's never happened before......usually she's telling me not to eat so much or to watch my figure or remind me about my diet or get me to do sit-ups afterward......but now......nothing? I guess she's serious......maybe it is up to me......but...I don't know...the cat and mouse game was kinda fun......is she really gonna stop caring about my diet?
*buzz*
Oh......afternoon run in five minutes......fuck.
The following morning...
Alright...morning run done...shower done...breakfast done...antidepressants done...as long as I don't stress out again, everything should be ok......got my sundress on......still a little tight on the top but hey at least there's a little more cleavage than usual......you know what? Now I'm looking at it again, it doesn't look half bad...I mean...for a whale like me that is......maybe I should try some make-up for change? Nah, too late now......loving this new hairstyle though......a top knot with bangs? Doesn't cover my short neck but it's a change from the usual. Why didn't I try this before? Thank you Youtube tutorials...now just gotta put the glasses on again...and...there. Well......it ain't perfect but......oh who am I kidding? What the fuck am I supposed to be? Look...
A few seconds later...
Look at this old photo of you. Last year. When you were Cloud Gate champion. And look at you now. You look nothing like that girl. You look like her double-chinned aunt for fuck sake! You used to be a warrior. Who are you supposed to be now? Where did it all go wrong? Oh come on Tiff......stop being like this......you look alright...I mean...for a girl like me...I guess...it'll do for today, right? Come on...let's just fucking go...
Back outside...
Well...it's not as sunny as last time...but at least it's not as windy either...don't have to worry about this dress blowing up again...ok here we go...ignoring these people...as long as they ignore me too, that's the main thing...it's so nice not being recognized...no fans or anything...still can't believe Chantelle didn't even know who I was...maybe I should tell her? I mean...that's if I see her again that is...well...I'm at the park now. What time is it? Well it's after twelve......still no sign of her......I guess I'll just sit on this bench and wait a little longer...she's probably a little late, that's all...I mean...I know she has a few reasons to ignore me...which is completely understandable...I wouldn't wanna hang out with me either...especially after no-showing yesterday...she probably hates my guts now...well I guess she'll have to join the queue......she's not coming, is she? You wasted your time over......oh look there she is...
"Hey! Chantelle! Hey!"
What are you doing? Stop making a scene you moron...
"Oh...uhhh...Tiffany, right?"
She didn't even remember your name! Are you kidding me? My god she's tall...so thin...
"I missed you yesterday. Was everything ok?"
Shit! Don't tell her the truth...
"Oh...ummm...yeah...sorry about that...I was...I was a little preoccupied..."
"Hey, don't worry about it. Things happen, right?"
That's the polite way of putting it...
"Well...since you're here now...I was about to grab a Subway. You're more than welcome to join me if you want."
She likes Subway? Huh...god I feel like a child next to her...I knew I should have put make-up on...
"Thank you. Sounds great."
"Cool."
A few minutes later...
Well...here we are...just sitting outside Subway...both eating ham sandwiches...god I must look like such a fatty right now...
"So Tiffany...do you work around here? Or..."
Uh oh...here comes the interview......can't tell her about the wrestling......gotta think fast...
"Ummm......well......I don't really have a job at the moment..."
"Oh?"
"Yeah...just been...you know...writing a book..."
WHAT THE FUCK!?
"Oh! You write?"
WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?
"Well...I mean...I just started really...still trying to figure stuff out..."
"Well if you ever need help with anything, you can always ask me."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. I'm doing a literature course right now. Been working in the charity shop down the road until I go to college later this year. You go to college?"
College? While everyone my age went to college, I was fighting the best wrestlers in the world......I guess she wouldn't know that though...
"No...I actually didn't go to college..."
SHIT!! WHY!?
"Really? Well I'm sure you have your reasons..."
Wait...she's going to college? Did she just finish high school or something? Oh god how young is she?
"So......changing subject......what do you do for fun?"
For fun? When was the last time you had any fun?
"Not much...I mean...I guess...I play a few games..."
Oh yes. Keep adding fuel to the dumpster fire why don't you?
"Oh? What games do you play?"
Wait what?
"Well...a little bit of everything really...I play Minecraft...Doom...Crash Bandicoot..."
"I love Crash Bandicoot!"
"No way!"
"He's the best!"
"I know, right?"
Wait...are...are we actually getting along?
"Do you play on PS4?"
"Yeah..."
"That's great! I got a few friends...we usually play online together on the weekends...you wanna play with us sometime?"
"Sure! I mean...sure. I would love to."
"Great. I'll add you as a friend when I get back from work..."
Add...me...as...a...friend?
"Hey...I don't suppose you watch Ricky and Morty, do you?"
Forty minutes later...
"...and so I was like...YOU MAD, BRO!?"
"HA HA HA HA" *snort* "HA HA HA" *snort*
I can't stop snorting! God she's so fucking funny!
"Oh god...that's hilarious..."
"Ha ha...yeah. Fun times..."
"I'm sorry..."
"For what?"
"I don't normally snort like that when I laugh..."
"Oh come on. Don't be like that. Besides, it's adorable!"
Adorable?
"Hey Tiff...just so you know...this has been fun."
Fun?
"Oh well I find that hard to believe..."
"Why?"
"Oh god I don't know......it's just that......I've been dealing with a lot of changes......like......I don't really know how to deal with them......I don't think I can be the same person I used to be..."
"Tiff...I know what you mean. The thing is...changes happen...whether you want them to or not. Whether you think you can control them or not. Change is inevitable. But growth is optional. I don't know what you're going through right now, but Tiff, please listen to me when I tell you this......you're beautiful. No matter what, you'll always be beautiful..."
Beautiful?
"But...but what I can't accept these changes? I just wanna be happy with myself, but how can I when I just can't accept the changes?"
"What makes you happy, Tiff?"
"What?"
"What makes you happy? You know, when I saw you today, I thought you looked happy. When we talked to each other, I thought you looked happy. Obviously I don't know what's going on in your life, and I'm not gonna go any further if you don't want me to, but honestly, from what I've seen, you seemed pretty happy today..."
Did I?
"I've always thought people should focus on the things that make them happy in life. If you can do that, then you can overcome any change, because a happy person is a beautiful person......I'm not sure if that made any sense but that's what I think anyway..."
...
"Anyway...I should head back to work...I'll let you know if we're playing tomorrow. If not, maybe I'll see you Monday?"
"Sure..."
And just like that...she's gone...the best thing to ever happen to me since the injury...I should head back too...
Back inside...
You know what? I think I know what my book should be about......so the skater dude gets forced into retirement...and he needs help to get his life back on track so he can make his epic comeback...but...what if he never comes back? What if he accepts his new life? Embraces it? Learns to be happy with it? Maybe he finds a new purpose in life? Perhaps a new sport he discovers...and then it turns out he's better at that sport than he is at skating? I don't know, seems a little cliche......well it's work in progress......I ain't in no rush to finish anytime soon...
*buzz*
Not now Twitter...I gotta finish this......ok...that's my orders returned...let's try this again...
...and this time...
...large size only.
Let's see where this goes...