Post by Deleted on May 15, 2020 1:18:22 GMT -6
May 10, 2020
It’s barely 2 AM on Mother’s Day morning… and only a few hours since Night One of the Dark Web show has ended. Victoria has been sitting alone in the bedroom of her temporary Chicago residence, eyes slightly filled with tears, left with a cold and empty feeling. She’s essentially stiff at this point, a borderline catatonic state… that dreadful, regretful realization deep down that her world title window has closed. Failure to attain the World Championship was bad enough… but the window closing was a whole different pain that she’s finding hard to bear at the moment. Gavin, her husband, walks into the room. He’d left her alone for a few hours, as she asked, but considering now it’s reached the point where he feels like he’s got to step in, he’s deciding to get involved. Victoria sees him and the tears start to fall down her face.
Gavin: I know it hurts, I understand how you feel. I get that this isn’t what you wanted. But don’t let it break you. Please don’t. I’d hate to see you lose your confidence again and allow this to fester…
Victoria shakes her head.
Gavin: You’ve come so far to lose your confidence now. You’re going to let what happened just devastate you like that?
Victoria: It’s not that…
Gavin: What is it then? The feeling that your window of opportunity has closed? It’s going to happen when it’s meant to happen and it’s just not meant to be right now. But that doesn’t mean you just give up and quit…
Victoria: It’s NOT THAT….
Gavin is caught by surprise at Victoria’s sudden outburst.
Victoria: I’m not going to give up and quit… of course not!
Gavin: So why are you so broken up over this?
Victoria: A few days before Dark Web… I was asked this… this question… about what I was going to do when this was all over…
Gavin closes the door behind him and walks over to Victoria realizing this is more serious than he initially thought.
Victoria: I didn’t have an answer… and it really scared me and you know… a few hours ago… going through that… feeling so… empty and… the reason why I’m so torn up is because… I base EVERYTHING on my career… I base my own self-esteem, my confidence, my own self-worth on how my career is going and… I’ve gone the longest I’ve EVER gone through without ANY title and… it makes me feel so WORTHLESS sometimes and it haunts me… if I’m not where I want to be then I just… I fall apart and I have to deal with feeling like… you know… a piece of shit…
Gavin: No… you’re not that. You’re not even close to being that.
Victoria: I’ve got NOTHING other than this! Even if I won tonight, would I have been happy? No. I would have been satisfied for what? A day or two? All because… well… I did what I expected out of myself. So what? I realize it now… I’m TOO hard on myself and I’ve used my entire career… everything with wrestling… I’ve used it just to compensate for my own insecurities and… I CAN’T anymore… I CAN’T keep doing this to myself! I don’t know what to do anymore! I just want to be happy… I just want to feel like I’m worth something… I just… I want to learn how to accept myself for who I am but I’ve never allowed myself to do that because UGH… you have NO idea how long I’ve looked in the mirror only to feel so DISGUSTED with myself.
Gavin: You’ve really been thinking about this, haven’t you?
Victoria nods through her tears.
Victoria: Everything I’ve ever accomplished in my career and I hardly feel ANY different about myself than I did during high school. Every time I fall short like this, I can hear my stepfather tell me I’m not worth the life my mother gave me… I can hear the bullies just laugh at me and let me know how fucking garbage I am… and I know I’m not garbage… but… I just want to… you know… believe that!
Gavin wraps an arm around her, trying to comfort her.
Gavin: Look, I have to tell it to you straight, alright? You’re too wrapped up in this… you’re too tied up in your head. You work so hard at what you do, you put so much into your career… but you never put anything into yourself. That’s why there’s that disconnect. I’ve noticed this since the day you told me you were going to get into wrestling. How many times over the last ten and a half years have you actually taken a step back, taken a breather and taken time to take care of yourself?
Victoria: Somewhere between never and once. What? Are you suggesting I take a hiatus, because that’s SURE as HELL not happening! I’m NOT starting over again!
Gavin: Nobody’s asking you to. I’m just saying you need to dial it down and relax.
Victoria: But if I do that then…
Gavin: What? You’re going to decline again? Nonsense! Have more faith in yourself! Alright? Now get some sleep, it’s a new day.
Victoria doesn’t respond, she just buries her face on one of Gavin’s shoulders and just seeks comfort right now. Plenty of what she’s going through is all based off of fear: the fear of having nothing after wrestling, the fear of going back to the bottom, the fear of the reality that wrestling has been a crutch to her for her entire career just to compensate for a harsh childhood, the reality that such a relationship is toxic to her well-being. She winds up falling asleep in his arms at this point, not knowing the day to come.
May 10 - 10:02 AM
Victoria has awoken with a headache, still sorting through the sting of the night before. Once she sits up, she notices a vase of flowers and a box of chocolates that wasn’t there the night before by the lamp. Gavin walks in with a tray full of food and has a smile on his face when he sees her.
Gavin: Perfect timing. I got breakfast.
Victoria is a bit confused as to what is going on as the tray of breakfast is placed on her lap.
Victoria: What is all this?
Gavin: It’s a part of your appreciation day!
Victoria: Appreci… what? Gavin… you don’t have to. Please don’t…
Gavin: Actually, I DO have to! Wedding vows, remember? I vowed to take care of you.
Victoria: I can take care of myself.
Gavin: Remember what I told you about dialing it down every once in a while? Just sit back, let me take care of everything, let me take care of you… just this once, alright? Besides, I spent a fair bit of money on overnighting that Bed, Bath and Beyond package too…
Victoria: ...what? It’s mother’s day! Shouldn’t you be doing this for her instead?
Gavin: Relax! You’re getting spoiled to all hell for a while whether you like it or not!
Victoria can only laugh at this point.
Victoria: Why?
Gavin: How about… because you’re the love of my life and I vowed to take care of you and right now, you’re in trouble and I’m doing everything I can to help you? Now, I’m going to challenge you to go one day… ONE day… without even THINKING about wrestling. We’re not going to think about it, talk about it, watch it… NONE of that. For ONE day… detach from it. Anything you need, I’ll provide it. All you need to do is sit back and relax. Hell, have all the dessert you want. Forget about that strict wrestling diet, forget about the stresses of the business… oh… and I locked the gym downstairs and hid the key!
Victoria: Gavin!!! I need that for tomorrow!
Gavin: There won’t be any training of any kind tomorrow. Your breakfast is getting cold, by the way…
Gavin leaves the room leaving a confused Victoria to her breakfast....
Victoria: I’m not doing this… I’m REALLY not doing this! I just… this goes against my nature. This goes against everything I was trained to do as a pro wrestler! This is asini… are those white chocolate chips in those pancakes? No… noooo…. I’m not doing this…
A couple of hours later…
Victoria: I can’t believe I’m doing this…
She’s finding herself in disbelief as she’s got a half-eaten banana split on her lap while she’s watching the original series of “Charmed” on Netflix.
Gavin: This was one of your shows, remember?
Victoria: I’ll tell you one thing… you sure make one hell of a banana split.
Gavin: That’s what she said… OW!!!!
Victoria responded with a hard elbow to the ribs.
Victoria: Really?
Gavin: Come on, you have to admit that was funny!
Victoria rolls her eyes and has a chuckle to herself.
Victoria: Okay… it was! You’re so STUPID… and I found that FUNNY… what is wrong with me?
Gavin: Nothing… you’re just being human for once...
Victoria just narrows her eyes, but in a playful manner.
Victoria: You’ve got some nerve… and you’re making me laugh and I hate you because… you’re making me laugh at the stupidest shit right now… so you know what? Fuck you for that!
Gavin: Not until after dinner!
Victoria shoves the banana split into his chest trying VERY hard not to laugh. She gets up and walks away, trying too hard to be angry… but she can’t find it within herself to do so.
Victoria: When you’re done cleaning up, can you get the tub going for me? I feel like putting that Bed, Bath and Beyond stuff to good use right now!
Gavin: Sure… of course!
Victoria: Thanks!
2:15 PM
Victoria lies on the couch, flipping through some television stuff on her remote. She looks more relaxed than she's been in some time as an empty plate of what was bacon chili cheese fries is on the coffee table. She's also already eaten half of the box of chocolates she was given. She finds something on the television that catches her attention.
Victoria: Oh... I see...
Victoria is looking right at a wrestling archive section, choosing to go to that and finding an event called "Frozen Fury 2009" on it. Recognizing this, a smile forms on her face.
Victoria: My first ever title victory! Nice...
Gavin: Nice try...
Victoria has an expression of surprise as her husband takes the remote away from her.
Gavin: We're trying to put that aside for a day, remember? I thought maybe you'd like something such as "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" or something.
Victoria: Ew! Hell no! I don't watch that garbage. It's all a bunch of stupid idiot women that have nothing better to do than to live off their riches that their husbands gave them and act as though the world is going to end when things don't go their way. Why would anyone watch such trash like that? I can't stand people like that.
Gavin: It's the antithesis of who you really are...
Victoria: EXACTLY! They're all so high strung and take everything so seriously... and you are such an ass...
Gavin: What? What did I do?
Victoria: Did you suggest that just to torture me? *laughs* Because I'm just like them sometimes? Is that it?
Gavin: Want to watch that show anyway just to laugh at how stupid it all is?
Victoria: ...yeah... sure. I always enjoy laughing at people's first world problems. Oh... and... if you can help me with some shoulder tension I've dealt with for a while, that'd be great!
Gavin: You got it!
Victoria begins to make room for her husband on the couch and soon enough, they're laughing at what Victoria described as "stupid idiot women that have nothing better to do than to live off the riches their husbands gave them"...
6:30 PM
Dressed as if she’s about to really go to downtown Chicago for a fine dinner, Victoria has a perplexed look on her face when she sees an actual steak dinner on the table for herself and for Gavin and if that wasn’t enough… the kitchen has dimmed lights, calm music in the background, scented candles and just about everything an environment needs for a relaxing experience.
Victoria: Let me get this straight… you spoil me with breakfast in bed, a bunch of bath bombs, a box of chocolates, flowers, Netflix, a whole bucket of ice cream just for myself, every relaxing massage you can think of, and a few gifts I wanted for Christmases and birthdays growing up that I never got because I grew up broke… and now a whole dinner experience…
Gavin is already seated and is waiting for Victoria to do the same.
Gavin: Are you seeing it yet?
Victoria sits down and the dinner date begins.
Victoria: Seeing what?
Gavin: What I’m trying to get you to see. Tell me something. When was the last time you sat back and ever had a day like this?
Victoria: It’s been… wow… it’s been a while. All these years and I never took a true hiatus from… uh… my “day job”. I’ve never done a spa day. I’ve never done a Netflix and ice cream day. I’ve never even done a cheat day… EVER! But you went out of your way to make sure I experienced all of that. You went out of your way to… to take care of me… to treat me like a queen… to make sure I was comfortable and happy and living a worry free day…
Gavin: Is it working?
Victoria nods as tears of joy begin to form in her eyes.
Victoria: I never… ever… in my life… realized that someone could care about me so much and I never imagined or felt like I ever deserved a day like this: an entire day… just for me… with no worries… no stressing… no thoughts about… you know… the “day job”. It really has been nice to live for a change instead of basing all of my self-worth on… “the day job”.
Gavin: You deserve this, all of this. You don’t have to base your day to day life on… “that one thing”. It’s your career, it’s what you want to do, I respect that. But work-life balance is always important. Self-care is always important. There’s nothing wrong… NOTHING wrong… with having a day like this every now and then. You deserve to live WITHOUT being so hard on yourself. You’re worth this, Victoria.
Victoria: Yeah… you’re right. I am! I’m going to have days like these more often. I’m going to commit to treating myself better. I’m going to dial it down and not push myself so hard. I’ve ran myself into the ground constantly for 10 and a half years… and I’m not going to do that anymore. The way I felt last night… I NEVER want to experience that again… I NEVER want to go through another confidence crash like the one I went through for a while. I promise you…
Gavin: You don’t need to promise me anything about that… that’s a promise you need to make to yourself. I am glad though… that you’ve seen the light.
Victoria: Last night was a wake up call for me… a big one. I’m done basing how I feel about myself based on how successful I am at the “day job”. Thank you for doing this for me!
Victoria flashes a smile, the brightest non-wrestling smile she’s had in months.
Gavin: It brings me joy to see you as happy as you are right now.
Victoria: I think for the first time in forever, I really feel like I’m going to be okay. I know there’s a journey to go, but this feels like a real first step for me. Can we have another day like this tomorrow?
Gavin: I don’t know, can we?
Victoria: We will!
The pair take a few minutes to talk a little more over their dinner before they finish up with it... with the lighthearted, happy mood that Victoria has increasingly been in all day just growing as the minutes and hours roll along.
10:18 PM
Victoria and Gavin lie on their bed together (nothing has happened) just reflecting on the day that they've had. Victoria just curls up in his arms, relaxing as much as she can, any current wrestling related issues completely forgotten about at the moment. Gavin lightly strokes her hair as Victoria breaks the silence.
Victoria: I'm going to be so sick tomorrow...
Gavin: Why do you say that?
Victoria: Because I had what amounted to a double cheat day... *laughs*
Gavin: You deserve that.
Victoria: I want to thank you for taking care of me today. I completely understand now... how important it is to take a day for yourself every once in a while. From now on, I'm only doing three days of physical training a week instead of five and I'm going to start doing a lot more self-care with the other three days that I'm not... you know... performing the "day job".
Gavin: Sounds like a great plan. I'll always be here for you, you know that.
Victoria: I'm sorry I was shutting you out for so long.
Gavin: You don't have to apologize. You just weren't aware of the disconnect. But now that you do, we can go a long way toward building up the person outside of the "day job". You're worth so much more than whatever a match outcome says you are... or what other people say you are... or what a "status" may say that you are... and I'm going to do whatever it takes to help you see that.
Victoria: Thank you...
Needless to say... Victoria fell asleep on this particular night in a far better mood than she did the night before...
Victoria (thinking): Dark Web... it was an eye opener for me. I see now how much of myself I've invested in my entire career. I see my biggest weaknesses, my biggest flaws. I see that what I was feeling for professional wrestling had grown well beyond the point of being a passion and into that dangerous zone of being an obsession. I've sacrificed so much of myself into this business... TOO much. Dark Web is where I draw the line. I'm done basing my self-esteem off of how successful I am in this business. I'm through burying myself into the ground and self-destructing just because I can't separate the business from myself. I'm done running away from old teenage year demons that were causing said self-destruction. I just came out of a confidence crash not too long ago... and this was just two years after I came out of another one in GCW.
I have to fight these demons now... I have to find who I really am as a person. The wrestler I am and the person I am have to unite as one... that's how I'm going to be the champion I want to be.
I'm going to do what it takes to ensure I never have a confidence crash again... and to avoid becoming one of those tragic tales of the wrestler that has nothing outside of the business once the bright lights go out...
Whatever it takes, however long it takes... I know this much. My time is coming. Number 6 is on the way.
And when that does come?
I know it'll be the happiest I've ever been because I know it'll be the most memorable of them all...
For now?
I work on taking care of me... something I'll never neglect to do again...
It’s barely 2 AM on Mother’s Day morning… and only a few hours since Night One of the Dark Web show has ended. Victoria has been sitting alone in the bedroom of her temporary Chicago residence, eyes slightly filled with tears, left with a cold and empty feeling. She’s essentially stiff at this point, a borderline catatonic state… that dreadful, regretful realization deep down that her world title window has closed. Failure to attain the World Championship was bad enough… but the window closing was a whole different pain that she’s finding hard to bear at the moment. Gavin, her husband, walks into the room. He’d left her alone for a few hours, as she asked, but considering now it’s reached the point where he feels like he’s got to step in, he’s deciding to get involved. Victoria sees him and the tears start to fall down her face.
Gavin: I know it hurts, I understand how you feel. I get that this isn’t what you wanted. But don’t let it break you. Please don’t. I’d hate to see you lose your confidence again and allow this to fester…
Victoria shakes her head.
Gavin: You’ve come so far to lose your confidence now. You’re going to let what happened just devastate you like that?
Victoria: It’s not that…
Gavin: What is it then? The feeling that your window of opportunity has closed? It’s going to happen when it’s meant to happen and it’s just not meant to be right now. But that doesn’t mean you just give up and quit…
Victoria: It’s NOT THAT….
Gavin is caught by surprise at Victoria’s sudden outburst.
Victoria: I’m not going to give up and quit… of course not!
Gavin: So why are you so broken up over this?
Victoria: A few days before Dark Web… I was asked this… this question… about what I was going to do when this was all over…
Gavin closes the door behind him and walks over to Victoria realizing this is more serious than he initially thought.
Victoria: I didn’t have an answer… and it really scared me and you know… a few hours ago… going through that… feeling so… empty and… the reason why I’m so torn up is because… I base EVERYTHING on my career… I base my own self-esteem, my confidence, my own self-worth on how my career is going and… I’ve gone the longest I’ve EVER gone through without ANY title and… it makes me feel so WORTHLESS sometimes and it haunts me… if I’m not where I want to be then I just… I fall apart and I have to deal with feeling like… you know… a piece of shit…
Gavin: No… you’re not that. You’re not even close to being that.
Victoria: I’ve got NOTHING other than this! Even if I won tonight, would I have been happy? No. I would have been satisfied for what? A day or two? All because… well… I did what I expected out of myself. So what? I realize it now… I’m TOO hard on myself and I’ve used my entire career… everything with wrestling… I’ve used it just to compensate for my own insecurities and… I CAN’T anymore… I CAN’T keep doing this to myself! I don’t know what to do anymore! I just want to be happy… I just want to feel like I’m worth something… I just… I want to learn how to accept myself for who I am but I’ve never allowed myself to do that because UGH… you have NO idea how long I’ve looked in the mirror only to feel so DISGUSTED with myself.
Gavin: You’ve really been thinking about this, haven’t you?
Victoria nods through her tears.
Victoria: Everything I’ve ever accomplished in my career and I hardly feel ANY different about myself than I did during high school. Every time I fall short like this, I can hear my stepfather tell me I’m not worth the life my mother gave me… I can hear the bullies just laugh at me and let me know how fucking garbage I am… and I know I’m not garbage… but… I just want to… you know… believe that!
Gavin wraps an arm around her, trying to comfort her.
Gavin: Look, I have to tell it to you straight, alright? You’re too wrapped up in this… you’re too tied up in your head. You work so hard at what you do, you put so much into your career… but you never put anything into yourself. That’s why there’s that disconnect. I’ve noticed this since the day you told me you were going to get into wrestling. How many times over the last ten and a half years have you actually taken a step back, taken a breather and taken time to take care of yourself?
Victoria: Somewhere between never and once. What? Are you suggesting I take a hiatus, because that’s SURE as HELL not happening! I’m NOT starting over again!
Gavin: Nobody’s asking you to. I’m just saying you need to dial it down and relax.
Victoria: But if I do that then…
Gavin: What? You’re going to decline again? Nonsense! Have more faith in yourself! Alright? Now get some sleep, it’s a new day.
Victoria doesn’t respond, she just buries her face on one of Gavin’s shoulders and just seeks comfort right now. Plenty of what she’s going through is all based off of fear: the fear of having nothing after wrestling, the fear of going back to the bottom, the fear of the reality that wrestling has been a crutch to her for her entire career just to compensate for a harsh childhood, the reality that such a relationship is toxic to her well-being. She winds up falling asleep in his arms at this point, not knowing the day to come.
May 10 - 10:02 AM
Victoria has awoken with a headache, still sorting through the sting of the night before. Once she sits up, she notices a vase of flowers and a box of chocolates that wasn’t there the night before by the lamp. Gavin walks in with a tray full of food and has a smile on his face when he sees her.
Gavin: Perfect timing. I got breakfast.
Victoria is a bit confused as to what is going on as the tray of breakfast is placed on her lap.
Victoria: What is all this?
Gavin: It’s a part of your appreciation day!
Victoria: Appreci… what? Gavin… you don’t have to. Please don’t…
Gavin: Actually, I DO have to! Wedding vows, remember? I vowed to take care of you.
Victoria: I can take care of myself.
Gavin: Remember what I told you about dialing it down every once in a while? Just sit back, let me take care of everything, let me take care of you… just this once, alright? Besides, I spent a fair bit of money on overnighting that Bed, Bath and Beyond package too…
Victoria: ...what? It’s mother’s day! Shouldn’t you be doing this for her instead?
Gavin: Relax! You’re getting spoiled to all hell for a while whether you like it or not!
Victoria can only laugh at this point.
Victoria: Why?
Gavin: How about… because you’re the love of my life and I vowed to take care of you and right now, you’re in trouble and I’m doing everything I can to help you? Now, I’m going to challenge you to go one day… ONE day… without even THINKING about wrestling. We’re not going to think about it, talk about it, watch it… NONE of that. For ONE day… detach from it. Anything you need, I’ll provide it. All you need to do is sit back and relax. Hell, have all the dessert you want. Forget about that strict wrestling diet, forget about the stresses of the business… oh… and I locked the gym downstairs and hid the key!
Victoria: Gavin!!! I need that for tomorrow!
Gavin: There won’t be any training of any kind tomorrow. Your breakfast is getting cold, by the way…
Gavin leaves the room leaving a confused Victoria to her breakfast....
Victoria: I’m not doing this… I’m REALLY not doing this! I just… this goes against my nature. This goes against everything I was trained to do as a pro wrestler! This is asini… are those white chocolate chips in those pancakes? No… noooo…. I’m not doing this…
A couple of hours later…
Victoria: I can’t believe I’m doing this…
She’s finding herself in disbelief as she’s got a half-eaten banana split on her lap while she’s watching the original series of “Charmed” on Netflix.
Gavin: This was one of your shows, remember?
Victoria: I’ll tell you one thing… you sure make one hell of a banana split.
Gavin: That’s what she said… OW!!!!
Victoria responded with a hard elbow to the ribs.
Victoria: Really?
Gavin: Come on, you have to admit that was funny!
Victoria rolls her eyes and has a chuckle to herself.
Victoria: Okay… it was! You’re so STUPID… and I found that FUNNY… what is wrong with me?
Gavin: Nothing… you’re just being human for once...
Victoria just narrows her eyes, but in a playful manner.
Victoria: You’ve got some nerve… and you’re making me laugh and I hate you because… you’re making me laugh at the stupidest shit right now… so you know what? Fuck you for that!
Gavin: Not until after dinner!
Victoria shoves the banana split into his chest trying VERY hard not to laugh. She gets up and walks away, trying too hard to be angry… but she can’t find it within herself to do so.
Victoria: When you’re done cleaning up, can you get the tub going for me? I feel like putting that Bed, Bath and Beyond stuff to good use right now!
Gavin: Sure… of course!
Victoria: Thanks!
2:15 PM
Victoria lies on the couch, flipping through some television stuff on her remote. She looks more relaxed than she's been in some time as an empty plate of what was bacon chili cheese fries is on the coffee table. She's also already eaten half of the box of chocolates she was given. She finds something on the television that catches her attention.
Victoria: Oh... I see...
Victoria is looking right at a wrestling archive section, choosing to go to that and finding an event called "Frozen Fury 2009" on it. Recognizing this, a smile forms on her face.
Victoria: My first ever title victory! Nice...
Gavin: Nice try...
Victoria has an expression of surprise as her husband takes the remote away from her.
Gavin: We're trying to put that aside for a day, remember? I thought maybe you'd like something such as "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" or something.
Victoria: Ew! Hell no! I don't watch that garbage. It's all a bunch of stupid idiot women that have nothing better to do than to live off their riches that their husbands gave them and act as though the world is going to end when things don't go their way. Why would anyone watch such trash like that? I can't stand people like that.
Gavin: It's the antithesis of who you really are...
Victoria: EXACTLY! They're all so high strung and take everything so seriously... and you are such an ass...
Gavin: What? What did I do?
Victoria: Did you suggest that just to torture me? *laughs* Because I'm just like them sometimes? Is that it?
Gavin: Want to watch that show anyway just to laugh at how stupid it all is?
Victoria: ...yeah... sure. I always enjoy laughing at people's first world problems. Oh... and... if you can help me with some shoulder tension I've dealt with for a while, that'd be great!
Gavin: You got it!
Victoria begins to make room for her husband on the couch and soon enough, they're laughing at what Victoria described as "stupid idiot women that have nothing better to do than to live off the riches their husbands gave them"...
6:30 PM
Dressed as if she’s about to really go to downtown Chicago for a fine dinner, Victoria has a perplexed look on her face when she sees an actual steak dinner on the table for herself and for Gavin and if that wasn’t enough… the kitchen has dimmed lights, calm music in the background, scented candles and just about everything an environment needs for a relaxing experience.
Victoria: Let me get this straight… you spoil me with breakfast in bed, a bunch of bath bombs, a box of chocolates, flowers, Netflix, a whole bucket of ice cream just for myself, every relaxing massage you can think of, and a few gifts I wanted for Christmases and birthdays growing up that I never got because I grew up broke… and now a whole dinner experience…
Gavin is already seated and is waiting for Victoria to do the same.
Gavin: Are you seeing it yet?
Victoria sits down and the dinner date begins.
Victoria: Seeing what?
Gavin: What I’m trying to get you to see. Tell me something. When was the last time you sat back and ever had a day like this?
Victoria: It’s been… wow… it’s been a while. All these years and I never took a true hiatus from… uh… my “day job”. I’ve never done a spa day. I’ve never done a Netflix and ice cream day. I’ve never even done a cheat day… EVER! But you went out of your way to make sure I experienced all of that. You went out of your way to… to take care of me… to treat me like a queen… to make sure I was comfortable and happy and living a worry free day…
Gavin: Is it working?
Victoria nods as tears of joy begin to form in her eyes.
Victoria: I never… ever… in my life… realized that someone could care about me so much and I never imagined or felt like I ever deserved a day like this: an entire day… just for me… with no worries… no stressing… no thoughts about… you know… the “day job”. It really has been nice to live for a change instead of basing all of my self-worth on… “the day job”.
Gavin: You deserve this, all of this. You don’t have to base your day to day life on… “that one thing”. It’s your career, it’s what you want to do, I respect that. But work-life balance is always important. Self-care is always important. There’s nothing wrong… NOTHING wrong… with having a day like this every now and then. You deserve to live WITHOUT being so hard on yourself. You’re worth this, Victoria.
Victoria: Yeah… you’re right. I am! I’m going to have days like these more often. I’m going to commit to treating myself better. I’m going to dial it down and not push myself so hard. I’ve ran myself into the ground constantly for 10 and a half years… and I’m not going to do that anymore. The way I felt last night… I NEVER want to experience that again… I NEVER want to go through another confidence crash like the one I went through for a while. I promise you…
Gavin: You don’t need to promise me anything about that… that’s a promise you need to make to yourself. I am glad though… that you’ve seen the light.
Victoria: Last night was a wake up call for me… a big one. I’m done basing how I feel about myself based on how successful I am at the “day job”. Thank you for doing this for me!
Victoria flashes a smile, the brightest non-wrestling smile she’s had in months.
Gavin: It brings me joy to see you as happy as you are right now.
Victoria: I think for the first time in forever, I really feel like I’m going to be okay. I know there’s a journey to go, but this feels like a real first step for me. Can we have another day like this tomorrow?
Gavin: I don’t know, can we?
Victoria: We will!
The pair take a few minutes to talk a little more over their dinner before they finish up with it... with the lighthearted, happy mood that Victoria has increasingly been in all day just growing as the minutes and hours roll along.
10:18 PM
Victoria and Gavin lie on their bed together (nothing has happened) just reflecting on the day that they've had. Victoria just curls up in his arms, relaxing as much as she can, any current wrestling related issues completely forgotten about at the moment. Gavin lightly strokes her hair as Victoria breaks the silence.
Victoria: I'm going to be so sick tomorrow...
Gavin: Why do you say that?
Victoria: Because I had what amounted to a double cheat day... *laughs*
Gavin: You deserve that.
Victoria: I want to thank you for taking care of me today. I completely understand now... how important it is to take a day for yourself every once in a while. From now on, I'm only doing three days of physical training a week instead of five and I'm going to start doing a lot more self-care with the other three days that I'm not... you know... performing the "day job".
Gavin: Sounds like a great plan. I'll always be here for you, you know that.
Victoria: I'm sorry I was shutting you out for so long.
Gavin: You don't have to apologize. You just weren't aware of the disconnect. But now that you do, we can go a long way toward building up the person outside of the "day job". You're worth so much more than whatever a match outcome says you are... or what other people say you are... or what a "status" may say that you are... and I'm going to do whatever it takes to help you see that.
Victoria: Thank you...
Needless to say... Victoria fell asleep on this particular night in a far better mood than she did the night before...
Victoria (thinking): Dark Web... it was an eye opener for me. I see now how much of myself I've invested in my entire career. I see my biggest weaknesses, my biggest flaws. I see that what I was feeling for professional wrestling had grown well beyond the point of being a passion and into that dangerous zone of being an obsession. I've sacrificed so much of myself into this business... TOO much. Dark Web is where I draw the line. I'm done basing my self-esteem off of how successful I am in this business. I'm through burying myself into the ground and self-destructing just because I can't separate the business from myself. I'm done running away from old teenage year demons that were causing said self-destruction. I just came out of a confidence crash not too long ago... and this was just two years after I came out of another one in GCW.
I have to fight these demons now... I have to find who I really am as a person. The wrestler I am and the person I am have to unite as one... that's how I'm going to be the champion I want to be.
I'm going to do what it takes to ensure I never have a confidence crash again... and to avoid becoming one of those tragic tales of the wrestler that has nothing outside of the business once the bright lights go out...
Whatever it takes, however long it takes... I know this much. My time is coming. Number 6 is on the way.
And when that does come?
I know it'll be the happiest I've ever been because I know it'll be the most memorable of them all...
For now?
I work on taking care of me... something I'll never neglect to do again...