Post by Melissa on Jan 19, 2020 21:46:12 GMT -6
January 20th, 2020
Off Camera
Malibu, California, USA
There are two sides to every wrestler, I always thought. The performer and the ‘real’ them. For some it blurs a lot, for others it’s a world of difference. For me? I used to keep them seperate, but I guess at times I’m not even sure myself.
Wrestling is a tough sport, generally male dominated and not something many can be good at in any sort of quick fashion. Like many in the industry, I take immense amounts of pride in my achievements, because getting them takes an immense amount of work. Sure, we might try to run our opponents down and grab that psychological edge, but you’d have to be a moron to think that this is an easy industry to rise in.
But at times I’m left to wonder is it who I am inside or what I do that defines me? I know, that’s from a Batman film...but it’s a good line, it’s a good thing to ponder. I’ve let myself become something I once hated to grab the so-called brass ring. I used to be a pillar of absolute integrity, no matter what anyone says; but that doesn’t work! It just doesn’t. You get chewed up, spat out and trampled on. I was forgiving far too often, I showed mercy when only to be backstabbed for it.
Why shouldn’t I, therefore, be the one trampling? Why shouldn’t it be me that rises to the top, instead of watching others use me, cheat me, to get there?
While the naysayers will always there to downtalk me, the truth of things is that it can’t be denied I’ve always fought an uphill battle. Often alone. Now I fight with more determination than ever because I’ve learned, through hard gained experience, that this is the way it must be done.
So when I reach the top, when I stand tall? Yeah I’m proud, damn right I am. It’s why I do this, it’s what I want from it. Despite what some may think, it’s also something I’m grateful for. It isn’t so long ago I nearly lost my career, multiple injuries had added up and then a crushing blow sealed that particular deal. I took nearly a year away to recover, rebuild and return even better. But I did rebuild, I did return. My career took off and I never looked back.
I stepped up into bigger companies, I made a name for myself. Sure, in the past three years I’ve had some really tough spells. But guess what? I’ve also managed ten title reigns. I defeated some of the biggest names going. I have started to achieve what I set out to do, to show people they’re wrong to overlook my simple because they didn’t think that a girl from Parramatta should be able to make such waves.
Thing is, I do. I make waves wherever I go - and that isn’t ego. Na, I have an ego, sure, but that right there is reputation; hard earned through my own determination and, at times, bloody graft. Sometimes fans ask me why I wrestle, what do I hope to gain from this? I’ll tell you, I do this because I love it, because I’m good at it and my results show that. Not all that long ago I managed a thirteen month long streak without losing any 1v1 matches, at all, in any company. That doesn’t just happen by accident.
Now, as you may know, I work in two companies; Underground and Millennium. They’re two very different places, two different rosters and set ups. For me that’s exciting though, they’re two different challenges and two mountains to conquer. As of writing, well, I have conquered Millennium. But taking their top title was no easy feat and I had to change myself to get there...I had to become more ruthless, to not rely on the fairness of the system because I learned that just isn’t how things work.
Underground has proven slower to conquer, though I did main event the biggest show of their year, and I did manage a brief title reign after that. But it isn't enough, not at all. I’m hungry and I want more. I want titles, glory and fame. I want success and the chance to beat those whose reputations have been forged in battle too. I want to put down those who tell me I can’t, and to break any chain that’s ever held me back.
But forgive me, I’m getting a little heated now. That’s the problem sometimes, wrestling is my passion and that’s all well and fine, but at times I forget that my career isn’t my entire life. Lately one of my promotions has been touring the US primarily and the other tours...well, just about anywhere, it seems. China, then Japan and possibly Australia next. I’d be excited to visit home, don’t get me wrong, but the travel time is grueling and the schedule doesn’t always leave a lot of space for anything else.
What’s my point, you wonder? Yeah, I’m getting to that. See, it goes back to the performer vs personal thing. Many in the industry put their personal lives out there for all to see. Me? I used to, I really did. Everyone knew I dated Aiden Morrow or Chris Kane. Then it was used against me by ravenous idiots without the imagination to do better, to try and tear me down. Or worse, to try and tear them down by using me as leverage.
I learned from that. I learned to be careful about what I said and who I said it to. No more news stories about my personal life, no more rumours and bs. But on this occasion it’s only fair to fill in one particular detail that has been missing… I was, from August onward, dating a guy. I know, you probably think so what? I get that. But this is a place for me to talk, so I’m gonna.
I also said was. Remember that whole grueling schedule thing? Yeah…it’s another sacrifice I’ve had to make to wrestle across the world and strive to be a star. He understood...I think. Maybe if circumstances were different? I don’t know. What ifs don’t help, I suppose.
Why am I saying this now? I guess it’s nice to just get things out there sometimes. But I also think it’s a way to understand me better. My drive, passion and devotion. It’s not just some gimmick shit, that’s the real deal.
Which begs the question, does it not, why would I ever hesitate to step on someone else, or to do whatever I need to do to succeed? If this is how much my career is going to cost me, if these are the things I have to sacrifice along the way, then you better damn well believe I’m going to do what needs doing to justify it in the end.