Post by Christopher Kane on Feb 5, 2019 8:25:05 GMT -6
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She hated herself. There was no other way she could put it. She completely hated herself and wanted to just sit in her chair in cry. Brittany Cummins couldn’t stand what she had become in the past year. From a young woman who was all about the life she chose was now just another awful member of the Kane family. The family she wanted to become so badly as a kid. The family she pined for being stuck in her grandma’s home. The family she craved, she was a part of and not in the way she wanted. All her life she told herself if she ever got to meet the Kane family and meet the people who were around her father, she wouldn’t turn into them.
No.
Not Brittany April Cummins. She couldn’t become one of them. She vowed it wouldn’t happen. Yet there she sat in her favorite chair as the night sky shined through the window. The stars weren’t out, why would they be? Nothing went in Brittany’s favor. She kept trying to find love in the wrong ways. It wasn’t even love that she’s ever had. Rather…
Lust.
Nothing but lust. From Daniel to Tucker to Eva to Alik and all the other little occurrences that she had found herself in, it was nothing but lust. The few moments of each fleeting encounter that filled her void inside of herself made her feel like she was a Kane. Just not the way she had ever wanted.
She remembered the stories of Freya. Freya who had self-esteem issues. Freya who used people to fill the void that Brittany felt all the time. Freya who took her own life before the age of 40, leaving behind three kids and questions as to why she never got the help that she needed? Questions that Brittany asked herself from time to time.
The question as to why she used sex to make herself feel happy.
The question as to why she couldn’t stay with one person.
The question as to why she was completely unable to control herself even around complete strangers.
It’s as if the name had created something she never intended it to. The name that drove her father to whore around, her uncle to whore around and lie about cancer and the name that drove Freya insane. The name had given Christopher and Jordan some issues with their actions, with how they behave and Christopher’s issues with his own child.
Children, that was another thought that paced through Britt’s mind as she kept feeling the tears fall. Everything about this name was a curse. It was proven time and time again by the things she’s heard and seen in her years plus as Britt Kane.
Britt Kane.
What a terrible name, but she couldn’t be Britt Cummins. No, that would be the worst. The jokes wrote themselves with a name like that in wrestling. She had to change something. The last few days, away from the sole good influence in her life in Cassidy, it took her back on that path of what her elders did.
Casual sex and the biggest case of self-loathing that led to her tears. Thursday night in Mexico was a long night with Marlon. Friday night after her debut in CCP was another long night with Marlon. Saturday night when out with her cousin Ryker, she hated herself for what she did. She hated that she allowed herself to do what she had done. Two complete strangers to her, more so than the casual social media hookups that she had done in the past.
Two male strippers. Two guys that didn’t know her from anyone else, and she provided them with oral pleasure. Just the thought of remembering made her sick to her stomach. Her guts bubbled as that self-loathing continued to send waves through her body. All she could think was the same thing.
“This is what Freya did.”
“This is how Freya acted.”
“This is what drove Freya to kill herself.”
“This is what killed Tifa.”
“This is how my father acted.”
“This is how he died.”
Rain began to fall and beat against her window while she continued to stare. Nothing seemed to enter her mind but the hate and self-loathing. Throughout high school, Brittany Cummins was regarded as an untouchable. A girl that you couldn’t really date and there was not a single chance of her being caught in someone’s backseat with a hand slipped up the dress.
No.
Brittany Cummins was an All-State basketball and softball player. Brittany Cummins was a cheerleader and somehow managed to lead a youth group in church at her grandma’s request. She was a sexually confused young woman who couldn’t figure out who she was.
Without her grandma reminding her how worthless she was. That she was a daughter of a whore and she’d fall down the exact same path as her mother.
Brittany looked at the ceiling and wanted to curse her grandmother’s name. She was right. She wanted to shield Brittany Cummins from the Kane family for this reason. Beatrice Cummins, although she wasn’t Brittany’s real grandmother, felt enough love for this woman, despite the insults, wanted to simply protect her. It was a warning.
A warning she never got or understood until now. The name was a curse. A curse she didn’t want anymore. Yet, somehow, the curse had avoided Cassidy at least to this point. Brittany stood up and leaned her forehead against the window. The tears falling were in synch with the rain.
She felt like she only had two options and neither of them would appeal to people. Neither option would make sense to anyone but her. She had to be selfish. She had to end this pain, this self-loathing she had inside of her since Brittany Kane debuted in Future Shock in 2017. The pain that came with leaving Future Shock, getting back into wrestling a few months later and making somewhat of a name for herself.
Sometimes for the wrong reasons.
She didn’t want to be a joke. Not any longer. She had to stop it. She didn’t want to be a Kane anymore. She didn’t want their curse any longer. She was fine before she had the name. Brittany Cummins was a good girl. She was someone she could happy with despite the home life. Britt Kane was who she hated.
The name was nothing but jokes, curses and someone she didn’t want to be. It was time to stand on her own and throw away the history she wanted to be a part of for so long.
Britt Kane died on February 4th, 2019.
Brittany April was born on February 4th, 2019.
It was time to become something greater than she was. Not a thirst trap. Not a Twitter Lesbian. Not some tease.
No.
She just wanted to be a wrestler.
She hated herself. There was no other way she could put it. She completely hated herself and wanted to just sit in her chair in cry. Brittany Cummins couldn’t stand what she had become in the past year. From a young woman who was all about the life she chose was now just another awful member of the Kane family. The family she wanted to become so badly as a kid. The family she pined for being stuck in her grandma’s home. The family she craved, she was a part of and not in the way she wanted. All her life she told herself if she ever got to meet the Kane family and meet the people who were around her father, she wouldn’t turn into them.
No.
Not Brittany April Cummins. She couldn’t become one of them. She vowed it wouldn’t happen. Yet there she sat in her favorite chair as the night sky shined through the window. The stars weren’t out, why would they be? Nothing went in Brittany’s favor. She kept trying to find love in the wrong ways. It wasn’t even love that she’s ever had. Rather…
Lust.
Nothing but lust. From Daniel to Tucker to Eva to Alik and all the other little occurrences that she had found herself in, it was nothing but lust. The few moments of each fleeting encounter that filled her void inside of herself made her feel like she was a Kane. Just not the way she had ever wanted.
She remembered the stories of Freya. Freya who had self-esteem issues. Freya who used people to fill the void that Brittany felt all the time. Freya who took her own life before the age of 40, leaving behind three kids and questions as to why she never got the help that she needed? Questions that Brittany asked herself from time to time.
The question as to why she used sex to make herself feel happy.
The question as to why she couldn’t stay with one person.
The question as to why she was completely unable to control herself even around complete strangers.
It’s as if the name had created something she never intended it to. The name that drove her father to whore around, her uncle to whore around and lie about cancer and the name that drove Freya insane. The name had given Christopher and Jordan some issues with their actions, with how they behave and Christopher’s issues with his own child.
Children, that was another thought that paced through Britt’s mind as she kept feeling the tears fall. Everything about this name was a curse. It was proven time and time again by the things she’s heard and seen in her years plus as Britt Kane.
Britt Kane.
What a terrible name, but she couldn’t be Britt Cummins. No, that would be the worst. The jokes wrote themselves with a name like that in wrestling. She had to change something. The last few days, away from the sole good influence in her life in Cassidy, it took her back on that path of what her elders did.
Casual sex and the biggest case of self-loathing that led to her tears. Thursday night in Mexico was a long night with Marlon. Friday night after her debut in CCP was another long night with Marlon. Saturday night when out with her cousin Ryker, she hated herself for what she did. She hated that she allowed herself to do what she had done. Two complete strangers to her, more so than the casual social media hookups that she had done in the past.
Two male strippers. Two guys that didn’t know her from anyone else, and she provided them with oral pleasure. Just the thought of remembering made her sick to her stomach. Her guts bubbled as that self-loathing continued to send waves through her body. All she could think was the same thing.
“This is what Freya did.”
“This is how Freya acted.”
“This is what drove Freya to kill herself.”
“This is what killed Tifa.”
“This is how my father acted.”
“This is how he died.”
Rain began to fall and beat against her window while she continued to stare. Nothing seemed to enter her mind but the hate and self-loathing. Throughout high school, Brittany Cummins was regarded as an untouchable. A girl that you couldn’t really date and there was not a single chance of her being caught in someone’s backseat with a hand slipped up the dress.
No.
Brittany Cummins was an All-State basketball and softball player. Brittany Cummins was a cheerleader and somehow managed to lead a youth group in church at her grandma’s request. She was a sexually confused young woman who couldn’t figure out who she was.
Without her grandma reminding her how worthless she was. That she was a daughter of a whore and she’d fall down the exact same path as her mother.
Brittany looked at the ceiling and wanted to curse her grandmother’s name. She was right. She wanted to shield Brittany Cummins from the Kane family for this reason. Beatrice Cummins, although she wasn’t Brittany’s real grandmother, felt enough love for this woman, despite the insults, wanted to simply protect her. It was a warning.
A warning she never got or understood until now. The name was a curse. A curse she didn’t want anymore. Yet, somehow, the curse had avoided Cassidy at least to this point. Brittany stood up and leaned her forehead against the window. The tears falling were in synch with the rain.
She felt like she only had two options and neither of them would appeal to people. Neither option would make sense to anyone but her. She had to be selfish. She had to end this pain, this self-loathing she had inside of her since Brittany Kane debuted in Future Shock in 2017. The pain that came with leaving Future Shock, getting back into wrestling a few months later and making somewhat of a name for herself.
Sometimes for the wrong reasons.
She didn’t want to be a joke. Not any longer. She had to stop it. She didn’t want to be a Kane anymore. She didn’t want their curse any longer. She was fine before she had the name. Brittany Cummins was a good girl. She was someone she could happy with despite the home life. Britt Kane was who she hated.
The name was nothing but jokes, curses and someone she didn’t want to be. It was time to stand on her own and throw away the history she wanted to be a part of for so long.
Britt Kane died on February 4th, 2019.
Brittany April was born on February 4th, 2019.
It was time to become something greater than she was. Not a thirst trap. Not a Twitter Lesbian. Not some tease.
No.
She just wanted to be a wrestler.