SYOTOS - ft. McKena Hardy

There was a quick call made, letting Dani know where he’d gone, as he gripped the steering wheel of his truck sitting in the driveway. He breathed heavily, he wasn’t sure why he’d felt the need to come here, why he wanted to “clear the air” so to speak, but it only felt right.



The truth was, the last day had been brutal on his psyche. Both from past and present issues, but his cousin almost being brutally beaten wasn’t exactly what he had on the playlist for his weekend. He knew she’d been taking a lot of risks lately, letting her allegiances show. A little too much it seemed, whereas he, well he wasn’t sure what he thought. He wasn’t sure how to feel really, but everyone already had their minds made up about him.



It was fine though, he was used to that. He often more times than not, played that character well, whoever it was that they wanted Jvstice Hardy to be. Because he had lost himself a long time ago. Whether it was from his relationship with his dad, the trials and tribulations of the army, working with the police force, and so on, he’d long forgotten who that young man was.



Yet every time he came closet to finding it, it meant facing those demons. He wasn’t ready yet.



Taking the time to make sure the driveway was empty, he’d noted his Uncle and Aunt were truly gone. He knew seeing his uncle in the state he’d been well. . . it wouldn’t have been good at this time and while his intention hadn’t been to hurt him, he had to make sure the group knew where he stood.



Where he actually stood on the situation though was much different and perhaps what drove him here. Aside from Alice, Mac had been his closest relative through the good and the bad. At some point in time she’d decided she didn’t like who she was becoming. She’d never been a soldier not really, nor had she ever been a cop having to work an undercover sting. She’d done well to hide her emotions and feelings up until this point.



The truth was just because he was saying one thing, it didn’t mean that was exactly what he means. He hoped she knew that but would she really?



Hopping out of the truck he made sure to dim the LED headlights, no need to draw anyone’s attention, he sent a quick text letting her know he’d arrived, and pulled on the opening of his leather jacket, keeping his face darkened under the brim of his signature camouflage hat. He knocked three times all succinct, all aligned, quick and paced so she knew it was him.



McKena sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the floor, her fingers tracing absent patterns on the fabric of her comforter. The scar on her head was a painful reminder of the last 24 hours, the ache still fresh, the betrayal cutting deeper than any physical wound. She hadn’t been herself since everything happened, the weight of it pressing down on her, suffocating.



When the three quick knocks echoed through the quiet house, she knew it was Jvstice. Part of her wanted to ignore it, to turn away and bury herself under the covers, pretending none of this was happening. But another part, the part of her that still clung to the remnants of strength, made her rise from the bed and walk to the door.



Opening it, she looked at him, her eyes dull and tired. She took in the sight of his hat shadowing his face, his usual guarded expression. There was a time when seeing him brought comfort, a sense of family and safety. Now, it felt like looking at a stranger.



She leaned against the doorframe, crossing her arms over her chest. “So you’re here,” she said softly, her voice tinged with sadness and bitterness. “Didn’t think you’d want to come after what you said about ‘playing both sides.’ Guess I’m the example now, right?” She looked away, biting back the pain that threatened to show. “What do you want, Jvstice?”



He almost grinned, as disturbing as that was, but it was more along the lines of seeing that she was okay more than it was being amused at what she was saying. She was hurt, and he felt that, a part of him used to care about that sort of thing, the part that was still humane anyways.



“What did you expect me to say? Julian pick me next?” The words weren’t cynical and maybe didn’t quite convey what he meant, but there was that bit of guardedness that never seemed to fade these days. He passed by her and made his way in, tucking his hands into his pockets momentarily. Taking in the darkness of the familiar place. He’d spent many times here both in his childhood and adulthood. To think that this used to be a place that provided comfort, and sound advice, now it felt like a figment of imagination, a distilled image that he couldn’t quite touch. There were a lot of things in his mind that felt that way lately.



“I don’t know what I want really, that’s the truth of it. Yes I came to make sure you’re okay because I’m not the heartless animal you all seem to think I am, but then in some way. Maybe.” He stopped, he wouldn’t dare tread into painful memories, not now, not in front of her, not in front of anybody really. “Maybe it’s a good thing you were able to get away.” He glanced back in her direction then. “I’m not saying I agree with how it happened, but you’re free now.” He stopped. Pondering on what those words meant. He knew very well that freedom came at a much higher price than many realized, but he wouldn’t try to put a damper on that statement.



McKena met his gaze, eyes narrowed with a mixture of hurt and defiance as she adjusted herself, grimacing slightly from the pain in her side. His words hung in the air between them, a strange blend of blunt honesty and guarded sympathy that made her stomach twist. For a moment, she studied him in the dim light, trying to reconcile the cousin she’d grown up with, the one who’d once laughed with her in this very room, with the man who now stood in front of her, distant and hardened.



“Free?” Her voice was soft, almost a whisper, but laced with a bitterness that surprised even herself. “You think this is freedom, Jvstice? Laying here like this… feeling like I got left in the gutter by the people I thought were family?” She let out a shaky breath, her hands balling into fists. “I’m not free. I’m stuck. And the worst part? The people who did this to me are walking around, laughing like it’s nothing.”



She shook her head, struggling to keep her composure as the memories flooded back, the betrayal stinging like fresh wounds. “Julian… Ozzie… They acted like I was nothing, like everything I’d given, everything I’d done for them didn’t mean a damn thing. And I can’t even go out there and fight back because they took that from me, too.”



McKena’s voice trembled as she looked him in the eyes, something raw and desperate in her gaze. “Maybe you can stand there, detached, like none of this matters, but that’s not me. I can’t just turn it off. I can’t just pretend I’m okay with any of it. And maybe that makes me weak, maybe it makes me stupid, but at least I still feel something.” She paused, searching his face. “Do you? Do you even care about anything anymore, Jvstice?”



McKena’s voice wavered, and for a second, she couldn’t meet his eyes. The words sat heavy in her chest, the weight of everything she had been carrying since it all went down. She finally looked back at him, her voice breaking with something raw, something she rarely let show.



“And Olly…” She hesitated, the mere mention of his name seeming to crack her further. “I thought… I thought he cared about me. I thought that meant something to him. But he handed me over like I was just some pawn in their game. He didn’t even hesitate, Jvstice. One second, he’s by my side, and the next… he’s dragging me straight to them.”



Her voice broke, and she wrapped her arms around herself, as if trying to hold together the pieces of herself that felt shattered. “Losing him like that… It’s killing me. I put my heart into that, into him, into all of them. But the Division… it just wasn’t me. I can’t do what they do. I can’t turn everything off, betray everyone who gets close to me just because it’s convenient.”



McKena’s eyes met his, a mix of anguish and defiance. “I cared about him, Jvstice. Really, really cared. And he left me. Like I was nothing.” She took a shaky breath, her gaze sharpening. “I’d rather be here, feeling this… this pain, than be someone like them. I’d rather be broken than numb. Because at least that’s real.” She searched his face, something desperate in her voice. “Do you get that? Or are you too far gone to even care?”



He could feel the hurt boistering in her voice. Maybe it should’ve been surprisingly but as long as he’d known her he knew that she felt things deeply. Truthfully, he wasn’t even sure how it had all gone down but he knew about the individuals who were involved. Ozzie, Julian, Olly. He was aware that they all calculated this thing like it was a game of chess, but in reality he compared it more to SAP maps. He’d spent years reading those things before finally being discharged due to his psyche. A rare past time.



He wanted to feel empathy, wanted to be able to take on her pain, wanted to feel how she felt and feel it so deeply that it rose some type of conviction in him, but the past year he’d only sunken deeper into whatever this darkness was where he currently lived. Everyone thought he was emotional, it was all so easy to fake. She saw through that though, she could read his bullshit because she knew him, or at least once upon a time she did.



But there was a sadness there in that void, there was a pain that he held onto like a singular clutch. Desperately he would access it when he needed to actually feel something, but then would it be too much.



“Do I care that they hurt you? Of course I do. There is a reason they didn’t ask me. I would’ve never gone along with it. . . Yo. . . You have to know that.” He stopped shaking his head as that sudden desperation came into his voice, maybe she didn’t know. “Or maybe you don’t.” He paused. There was a bit of moisture that glossed his eyes, but he paused, swallowing it back.



“You are wrong though.” He stated. “You aren’t stuck Mac, you never have been. Are you down now? Sure. They kicked the shit out of you and I know the emotional damage from it is far worse than any type of pain they might inflict. Believe me I know it.” He paused again emphasizing on the word know. Echoes of something there, that pain that he was holding onto, that story he wasn’t willing to tell. “But you’re better than me damn it, you are better than all of them. Ozzie is so desperate to shine in his brother’s shadow that he would do whatever he was asked, and that makes him a dumb shit. Olly, hasn’t been right since Faith’s death and he’s only slipping even more into that madness day by day just like me.” He paused then. He still wasn’t as disconnected from his emotions as he pretended to be, but somewhere deep in there was a sliver of that person that cared about his family: the ones who gave a shit about him anyways.



“I’m not here to give you a pep talk though Kena, you wouldn’t believe me anyways. I’m here to see that you were okay and you’re good to fight another day. Burn their fucking house down if you have to, even if I’m in it.” There was a real conviction there, but he meant it. They had hurt her and in some way he was responsible by affiliation. He wasn’t even sure what his ties were to the group, and even to life at times. She’d asked him if he cared about anything and well it was quite a short list. There was his Mom, Dani, Alice, Aunt and Uncle, and her. He didn’t even include his sister on that list because she was nothing more than a stranger to him and his other cousins were more like acquaintances. They never really had that connection, but then he supposed that was on him too. For years he’d work to shut everyone out and now that it was working . . . well he was reaping the foundations of his creations.



“I’m not excusing what they did, but take that pain and use it. Do not let them beat you, be the hero this family needs. Its like your dad said you are the one who’s sacrificed so don’t let that shit be in vain, don’t give them the satisfaction.”



McKena’s eyes softened as she listened, the weight of his words pulling her back from the edge of her own frustration and pain. Seeing the glint of moisture in his eyes made something shift in her chest, and for a moment, the steel she had built around herself softened.



“You really think I’m better than them?” she asked quietly, a hint of disbelief in her voice. “Because right now, all I feel is broken. And Olly… I thought maybe he was different. I thought…” Her voice faltered, a raw pain flickering across her face. “I thought he cared, that somehow he’d protect me. But that’s on me, right? For believing he was anything but one of them. You and me… we’ve both given up a lot to be part of something bigger, to protect people we care about, but look where that’s gotten us. I thought fighting was enough. Being strong, never letting them see me weak—that was my armor. And they tore it apart like it was nothing.”



McKena took a shaky breath and glanced up, meeting Jvstice’s eyes. “But maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s time I stop thinking about what they took from me and start thinking about what I can take back. I may not feel like a hero right now, but… if burning it all down is what I have to do, then maybe that’s what it’ll be.”



Her voice steadied, a hardened determination creeping back in. “I won’t let them take anything else from me. I may be broken, Jvstice, but I’m still here. And I’m not going to let any of them, not Olly, not Ozzie, not Julian, define who I am.”



There it was and for a brief moment there was a familiar glint of respect in his eyes. One that had long sense dissipated in the last year or so. It was hope, or something that looked like it, that she was going to be fine. That what happened to her wasn’t going to break her. She was better than them. . . she was better than him.



“Good. Don’t lose that.” He said with almost a sigh of relief. Whatever happened between them there was a clear sign of caring there. One that he hadn’t shown in a long time. His hands were now still resting inside of his jacket pockets but his walls were somewhat crumbling down. In that moment he felt like she understood, she more than anybody could fully understand his plight, but he wasn’t like her. He wasn’t the hero, not even the anti-hero. He was like poison that seeped into the veins of anyone he was close to. A parasite that ripped at the shreds of them and it was easier to hurt them, to push them away, then to let them be effected by the decay that day-by-day continued to rip through his chest, but she was here, she was safe. . . she was going to be alright.



He made a sudden shift now and it was perhaps at the oddest of moments, but he hugged her tight, that kind of hug you gave your family when you knew they were leaving, perhaps on a long trip, or when you were saying your final goodbye.



“I’ve got to go now.” He said almost in a whisper, almost not wanting to leave. Feeling the comfort of that house he had been to a thousand times, for Christmas’ and birthdays, for long week stays when he visited from Cali. Its warmth promising safety and sanctity.



“SYOTOS, Cousin.” He spoke, the familiar army phrase, ‘see you on the other side’ certainly had its meaning, but Jvstice he wasn’t afraid. Fear would imply feeling, fear would mean feeling something at all, and while in the depth of him he had care for those closest to him, the ones that needed protecting, well. . . they’d be fine. Whatever the plans were in the future he had to remain on the inside.



He didn’t say the words about loving her, but he knew they were implied, as he stepped outside, taking the burner phone that was in his pocket while he used it as a patch for his actual cell phone, he dismantled it. If anyone had seen his geolocation, he’d been spending a quiet evening at home.



McKena felt the weight of his hug, unexpected but grounding. She closed her eyes, letting herself feel the moment, the kind of embrace that held a thousand unspoken words. She knew him well enough to understand that he might never fully say what he meant, but actions spoke volumes. She clung a little tighter, letting him know without words that she’d heard him, that his presence here, however fleeting, mattered more than he’d probably ever admit.



When he pulled away, she gave him a faint, bittersweet smile. “SYOTOS,” she echoed softly, watching him as he stepped back. She could sense the walls coming back up around him, the way he tried to mask his care with that detached resolve. But she also knew that, deep down, he wasn’t as empty as he thought he was. He might be surrounded by darkness, but he still had fragments of light—she’d seen them tonight.



As he turned to leave, she felt a pang in her chest, a strange mix of worry and pride. “Jvstice…” she called after him, her voice softer now, almost hesitant. “Stay safe. Whatever you’re doing, just… stay safe.”



The door closed behind him, and McKena stood there for a long moment, holding onto the silence, the lingering warmth of his presence. Whatever he faced, wherever he went next, she hoped he knew—she would always have his back, just as he’d shown he still had hers.