Post by modern_myth on Oct 31, 2024 7:54:52 GMT -6
All my friends come from broken families. Some don’t even know their parents, either living with their Abuela or grew up amongst 7 cousins of different ages. I’m no exception. It’s just Mami and me, been that way my whole life. Of course sometimes Abuelito and Abuelita would come to visit but ever since they moved to Jersey, it’s really just been the two of us.
Like many of my friends, I don’t know you. You’ve always been an idea of a person that used to be around long time ago but not because I ever met you. Nah, you were always referred to with a certain look that Abuelita used to give and Mami would just roll her eyes and respond in hushed tones. Which was very unlike them since they’re always so loud (you probably know this). They always tried to be subtle too but I heard and saw everything. I just pretended I never noticed. I stopped asking after the first couple of times because Mami always got all mad and sarcastic and… it’s all I’ve heard before anyway.
So when I stopped asking, I also stopped thinking about you. Even though Mami struggled a lot with work especially back then, she somehow was always there for me. When I was much younger, if neither Abuelito nor Abuelita could come over, Mami would sometimes bring me along to those modeling auditions she used to do a lot and wherever else the job took her. I hated it only because I was always bored and would rather be home or with friends. But Mami was strict, she would drag me along and make sure I did my homework while she worked. I didn’t understand then but from what I've learned these recent years, I have begun to really appreciate her sacrifices since even before I was born.
I hate to say it but damn I wish I still don’t know you.
Or at least the version of you that I just found out lately, how you left Mami pregnant and alone and jumped on a plane for a “big wrestling opportunity” across the country and never came back. Mami said you kept promising to return after the next match but so many next matches came and went and eventually she gave up waiting. And soon you also stopped calling. Then I came to the world…. without you to greet me.
Did you know when I was born? What time and how much I weighed? Did you know I was allergic to strawberries growing up? I would get these terrible rashes one day and Mami freaked out and cried because she didn’t know what was happening to me. You used to be the water to her fire, something she once said, so you might’ve been able to handle it better than she did.
Or not. Hell if I know.
You’re dead.
And now I’m talking to you in my head. I remember being so damn confused several years ago after the bomb your old tag team partner Nick dropped on me and Mami. Apparently he’d been impersonating you this whole time and there I innocently thought you had finally popped back up in the business after years of radio silence. I even snuck out all the way to try and meet you at the show you were advertised to make your grand return at.
But nope, you dead.
Which you had been for a few months but nobody fucking told me. Not even Mami and she knew! She fucking knew! What she didn’t know was just Nick putting your mask on and pretending to be you.
Sigh.
The next couple years that followed were rough. I was mad at the world and so was Mami. We were both broken and it didn’t help that Nick continued the charade of you for a while longer until he couldn’t. He blamed your fans for your death. He said you died alone. Last I heard he ripped off the mask and threw it in the dump before checking himself into rehab.
Your entire legacy, just like that, was officially ruined.
I thought about that a lot since. There were so many dumb mistakes made by the people who loved and cared for you. It ran that deep. You ever knew that? Did they ever tell you how much you meant to them?
What about what you meant to me?
So now I’ve started thinking about you again. Who you were, what you were like, what you felt…
Did you ever think about me?
I’ve been learning to deal with all this. And you. I’ve made progress yet I still couldn’t get that image of your torn mask out of my head. I never actually saw it but I could imagine it and maybe that just makes it worse. But it’s given me a new direction, a little nudge.
I’d never been envious of those who knew their fathers because I didn’t know how. How do you miss something you never knew existed?
But I suddenly felt compelled to learn about you. Mami never told me any stories except the less than positive memories. Though once in a while, she would slip in a story or two that made you sound nice. It made you real. She had mostly shielded me from wrestling, especially after her time as MWE commentator was over. So I never knew about your accomplishments till much later. She still refused to talk to me about you though but ever since I expressed interest to pick up training, she hated it at first but slowly shared more of that part of her life. I think she’s starting to heal too.
And I want to do more for that. For our family. I don’t know what I’m looking for here exactly. Closure maybe? Peace? Don’t know…
But what I do know is that I want to learn more about you and if I have to do it myself, I’ll have to go through what you did and become a professional wrestler. Follow your footsteps, so to speak. And maybe, just maybe I can finally find the answers to all my questions above.
Like many of my friends, I don’t know you. You’ve always been an idea of a person that used to be around long time ago but not because I ever met you. Nah, you were always referred to with a certain look that Abuelita used to give and Mami would just roll her eyes and respond in hushed tones. Which was very unlike them since they’re always so loud (you probably know this). They always tried to be subtle too but I heard and saw everything. I just pretended I never noticed. I stopped asking after the first couple of times because Mami always got all mad and sarcastic and… it’s all I’ve heard before anyway.
So when I stopped asking, I also stopped thinking about you. Even though Mami struggled a lot with work especially back then, she somehow was always there for me. When I was much younger, if neither Abuelito nor Abuelita could come over, Mami would sometimes bring me along to those modeling auditions she used to do a lot and wherever else the job took her. I hated it only because I was always bored and would rather be home or with friends. But Mami was strict, she would drag me along and make sure I did my homework while she worked. I didn’t understand then but from what I've learned these recent years, I have begun to really appreciate her sacrifices since even before I was born.
I hate to say it but damn I wish I still don’t know you.
Or at least the version of you that I just found out lately, how you left Mami pregnant and alone and jumped on a plane for a “big wrestling opportunity” across the country and never came back. Mami said you kept promising to return after the next match but so many next matches came and went and eventually she gave up waiting. And soon you also stopped calling. Then I came to the world…. without you to greet me.
Did you know when I was born? What time and how much I weighed? Did you know I was allergic to strawberries growing up? I would get these terrible rashes one day and Mami freaked out and cried because she didn’t know what was happening to me. You used to be the water to her fire, something she once said, so you might’ve been able to handle it better than she did.
Or not. Hell if I know.
You’re dead.
And now I’m talking to you in my head. I remember being so damn confused several years ago after the bomb your old tag team partner Nick dropped on me and Mami. Apparently he’d been impersonating you this whole time and there I innocently thought you had finally popped back up in the business after years of radio silence. I even snuck out all the way to try and meet you at the show you were advertised to make your grand return at.
But nope, you dead.
Which you had been for a few months but nobody fucking told me. Not even Mami and she knew! She fucking knew! What she didn’t know was just Nick putting your mask on and pretending to be you.
Sigh.
The next couple years that followed were rough. I was mad at the world and so was Mami. We were both broken and it didn’t help that Nick continued the charade of you for a while longer until he couldn’t. He blamed your fans for your death. He said you died alone. Last I heard he ripped off the mask and threw it in the dump before checking himself into rehab.
Your entire legacy, just like that, was officially ruined.
I thought about that a lot since. There were so many dumb mistakes made by the people who loved and cared for you. It ran that deep. You ever knew that? Did they ever tell you how much you meant to them?
What about what you meant to me?
So now I’ve started thinking about you again. Who you were, what you were like, what you felt…
Did you ever think about me?
I’ve been learning to deal with all this. And you. I’ve made progress yet I still couldn’t get that image of your torn mask out of my head. I never actually saw it but I could imagine it and maybe that just makes it worse. But it’s given me a new direction, a little nudge.
I’d never been envious of those who knew their fathers because I didn’t know how. How do you miss something you never knew existed?
But I suddenly felt compelled to learn about you. Mami never told me any stories except the less than positive memories. Though once in a while, she would slip in a story or two that made you sound nice. It made you real. She had mostly shielded me from wrestling, especially after her time as MWE commentator was over. So I never knew about your accomplishments till much later. She still refused to talk to me about you though but ever since I expressed interest to pick up training, she hated it at first but slowly shared more of that part of her life. I think she’s starting to heal too.
And I want to do more for that. For our family. I don’t know what I’m looking for here exactly. Closure maybe? Peace? Don’t know…
But what I do know is that I want to learn more about you and if I have to do it myself, I’ll have to go through what you did and become a professional wrestler. Follow your footsteps, so to speak. And maybe, just maybe I can finally find the answers to all my questions above.